Daphne: Our apartment. Oh, my, I'm gonna have to practice saying that. "Let's go back to our apartment."
Niles: "Why don't we meet at our apartment?"
Daphne: "Oh, my, our apartment has a gas leak."
Niles: "Oh, no, our apartment's going to explode!"
Daphne: "Oh, no, there goes our apartment!"

Niles: Can you believe it? I am actually going to be living under the same roof with the woman I adore. If you had told me two years ago that this was gonna happen, I'd have said you were crazy.
Frasier: I know exactly how you feel. You know, I used to think that Cam Winston's SUV was immovable. And now look at me.

Niles: Daphne, what's going on?
Daphne: Nothing. I just think- Well, why rush? Moving is something to be enjoyed.
Niles: So, just to clarify, you're going to stay here, but your parents are going to stay with me?
Daphne: I'm so glad you understand.

Niles: Um, where's Mr. Moon?
Daphne: Oh. Well, actually there's been a slight change of plans.
Simon: Hello, hello.
Frasier: Simon!
Niles: Simon?
Martin: Buddy, how you doing?
Simon: Well, I'm thirsty for a start.

Martin: Hey, you better not let Frasier see you wipe your hands on the couch. He's mad enough that you ate that stuff he puts on his face.
Simon: I'm telling you, it was marmalade.

Niles: Wait till you taste the apple crisp that Daphne made for dessert.
Roz: Mmm.
Simon: Is that that delicious apple thing with the crispy bits on top?
Daphne: We still have ice cream.
Simon: Well, well, this is getting embarrassing.

Simon: Rose, you're looking fit. You know, I'd have gone too if I'd known you were going to dinner. I hope you've left room for afters.
Roz: [scoffs] I have a boyfriend now, Simon. So you can just lay off.
Simon: You what? I thought you would wait for my return. Oh, well. Let's have another go, then, for old times' sake.
Roz: We never had a go.
Simon: We didn't? Who was that, then?

Frasier: Meanwhile, they are her family, and our guests. Let's remember that.
Simon: [o.s.] Oi, Frasier, can I use this as an ashtray?
Frasier: Son of a bitch!

Frasier: You know, I have an idea. Let's have a toast.
Simon: Well, it's about bloody time.
Frasier: To my very favorite couple, Niles and Daphne. You don't know my brother very well, Mrs. Moon, but I assure you, he and your daughter share a boundless love. One that is sure to endure as long as that of my parents' and of yours and your husband's.
Gertrude: [SOBBING]
Simon: Well, now you've dropped a clanger.

Gertrude: Daphne, dear, I've finally figured out what's wrong with your outfit. It's made for a smaller woman.