Frasier: Harry, let me get you a beer.
Mr. Moon: Oh, get a man a beer, he drinks for five minutes. Teach him where they are, he drinks all day.

Niles: Oh, Dad, Dad, I need you to do me a favor. Mr. Moon is a little bit reluctant about getting back together with his wife.
Martin: Huh, can you blame him?
Niles: It occurs to me, there's no woman so attractive than the one some other guy seems to be attracted to. So...
Martin: No way!
Niles: But, but, but, but- But it would mean a lot to Daphne. And, it'll get Mrs. Moon out of the country.
Martin: Well, if it means a lot to Daphne.

Gertrude: And then, she drags me to another luau. Where I come from, you bury a dead pig because it's diseased, not because you're going to dig it up and eat it.

Niles: Hey, Frasier, listen, Daphne and I are taking her parents out to dinner tonight. Can you get a reservation at Chez Henri?
Frasier: Chez Henri? Niles, they're booked up months in advance.
Niles: Well, I know that I wouldn't stand a chance, but I was hoping if I cloaked myself in the mantle your greater renown...
Frasier: You should know better than that. Niles, I am not susceptible to flattery.
Niles: I know that. You're the most grounded, down-to-earth person I know.
Frasier: Thank you. I'll make a call.

Roz: Um, you know that thing you did at the end?
Frasier: At the very end?
Roz: Just before.
Frasier: I know exactly what you mean.
Roz: I coulda done without that.
Frasier: Really? You didn't like that. Well maybe that's just your taste.
Roz: No.
Frasier: 'Cause I've received high kudos for that in the past.
Roz: Look, don't take it personally. It would have been impossible for either one of us to get a perfect score that night, given the circumstances. We were both tentative, and more than a little vulnerable.
Frasier: That's true.
Roz: And it was tough to concentrate with the TV blaring away in your dad's bedroom.
Frasier: I didn't hear that.
Roz: Don't you remember? Sting was on Letterman. He was talking about the rain forest and the plight of the Yanomama Indians. It was really sad. I mean, the whole Orinoco River Valley is being forested into extinction.
Frasier: Well, I'm glad my woefully inadequate performance didn't distract you from your ecology lesson. Did Sting happen to mention anything about you shaving your legs? Because that's a rain forest that could use some pruning!

Roz: You know, you're a very good kisser.
Frasier: No, I'm not. You are, I'm not.
Roz: Yes, you are. Do I need to fill out another card?
Frasier: Oh, please. Would you?

Niles: Isn't this lovely? Candlelight, romantic music. Must take you back to the days of your courtship. Where did you two meet?
Mr. Moon: At a soccer riot. She stopped a Spanish bloke from smashing a chair over me head.
Gertrude: He wasn't Spanish, he was Portuguese.
Mr. Moon: I believe he was Spanish.
Gertrude: Well I believe I know the difference between a bloody Spaniard and a bloody Portuguese.

Martin: [on the phone] No, Gertrude, I never said I had a thing for you. No, I'm not playing hard to get. Yes, I guess if I was playing hard to get, I'd say that I wasn't, but I'm not.

Martin: Great, I cheated death in Korea for this.

Niles: I see word travels fast.
Mr. Moon: Is Daphne here?
Martin: No, she's not back from taking her mother home yet.
Mr. Moon: Oh, well... I was hoping to see her before I left. I guess I'll leave her a note, then.
Niles: Mr. Moon, I'm sorry I dragged you all the way to America.
Mr. Moon: Oh, it wasn't all that bad. I got to see Daphne. And that hotel was brilliant. The towels were so fluffy I could barely close me suitcase.