Roz: So it's a big day, isn't it?
Martin: Mmm-hmm.
Roz: You feeling good?
Martin: Oh, I feel better than that; I feel useful. It's been a long time. You know, when I was a cop, we used to make fun of security guards. I guess now I'm going to have to make fun of crossing guards.
Roz: Who do crossing guards make fun of?
Martin: I don't know. Uh, kids, I guess.

Martin: [answering the phone] Hello? Oh, hey, Frank. Yup, got my W-4. Uh, listen, I want to thank you again, for getting me in, you know. I know you had to push, what with my hip and all... No, I'm just thanking you again, that's all. That's not mushy. Huh? Oh, that's too bad. Okay, well, maybe next time. Bye. [hangs up]
Roz: What's too bad?
Martin: Well, a bunch of us are going out for dinner, but one guy can't make it. Evidently he got called to check on a possible perv at the Kmart.

Frank: Marty, you sound like a broken record. You know, I get it. You can't stand your kids.
Martin: No. No, no. They can't stand me.
Frank: Well, maybe you've got to be the one that takes the first step. You know, reach out. And most importantly, listen. Not just with your ears, but with your heart.
Martin: What the hell are you talking about?
Frank: I'm seeing a court-appointed family therapist.

Martin: You know what I should do?
Frank: What?
Martin: I ought to just call Frasier out of the blue and see how he's doing. Niles, too. They'll probably think I was dying or something.
Frank: You should.
Martin: Yeah. That's what I'm gonna do. I'll do it tonight when I get home.

Niles: How's this? I will stay and walk Eddie.
Frasier: Really?
Daphne: You just don't want to see Billy Joel.
Niles: That is patently untrue. I'm just trying to help my father.
Roz: If he isn't going, can I?
Niles: Well, that would work perfectly.
Frasier: But since you're free, Niles, I've got this extra ticket for the throat singing concert.
Niles: Oh?
Frasier: Well, then it's settled.
Martin: Eddie.

[flashback to Martin in the hospital:]
Frank: Well, I'd better get going.
Martin: Oh, no!
Niles: No, no. Hey, don't go on my account, Frank.
Frank: Nah, you guys got plenty of things to talk about. Listen, I'll never drink another Slushie again.
Martin: Well, then it was worth it.

[flashback to Martin in the hospital:]
Niles: I just got off the phone with Frasier. He is flying in.
Martin: Good.
[long silence]
Martin: Doc says I'll be out of here in a couple of days.
Niles: Good. They have, uh, they have a great staff here.
Martin: Uh-huh.
[long silence]
Niles: I knew this was going to happen some day.
Martin: Hey, it comes with the territory.
Niles: I'll never understand how you can take these risks.
Martin: No, you probably won't.

Frasier: Freddie, you're doing great, son. Great!
Martin: Yeah, you got it made. Especially since that Asian kid was eliminated. They're the ones you have to watch out for.
Frasier: Dad! Don't stereotype!
Martin: Not even a positive one? Oh geez, what's happening in this country?

Frasier: He's doomed.
Martin: What are you talking about? He scored, and she's a cheap date.
Frasier: Oh, Dad, please, he is not ready for a relationship. How could you let him do something like this?
Martin: Don't blame me for that. It was the jacket. He wasn't here ten minutes before she wanted to touch it.

Niles: And before we begin, I would like to share some words of Robert Burns which have recently become quite meaningful to me: "Beneath the shelter of an aged tree..."
Julia: [cell phone ringing] Whoops, that's me. [answering] Hello? Hey, what's up? No, no, I can talk. Well, what kind of crap is that? Nail their asses to the wall! [covering the phone] Is that chicken?
Daphne: No, partridge.
Niles: Yes, in a champagne and orange sauce.
Julia: [on the phone] 'cause he's a pissy little bitch, that's why. [covering again] I'm sorry, I don't eat birds. They live in their own feces.
Martin: More for me!