Martin Crane Quotes Page 2 of 77
Quote from Good Grief
Frasier: Hello? Ah, yes, Bebe. Oh, yes, yes. Oh yes, the television job. Oh, what a relief. Thank you, bye bye. [hangs up]
Martin: You got it?
Frasier: No, thank goodness. That job starts tomorrow. I have got things to do.
Niles: Oh, I'm sorry, Frasier.
Frasier: Sorry? My God, you sound just like Dad. I am going to get another job. The people of this city need me. I am a beloved Seattle institution.
Martin: A couple more days like this and he's going to be in a beloved Seattle institution.
Quote from Bla-Z-Boy
Martin: Well, what's wrong with liking plain old coffee, the way God made it?
Frasier: Nothing. What is wrong is subjecting me to the same shop-worn bellyaching every time you come in here.
Martin: Well, excuse me for having an opinion you don't agree with. I thought this was America. Oh look, it is.
Quote from Are You Being Served?
[Niles is in the bathroom. Frasier talks to him through the door.]
Frasier: Niles, just remember to keep breathing. And trust me, this is not the end. Your life is not over. [silence] Niles. Niles!
[A loud bang is heard from inside the bathroom.]
Frasier: Oh, my God.
[Frasier reluctantly opens the bathroom door. He looks in and sees the door splattered with white foam. Niles emerges covered in the stuff.]
Daphne: Dr. Crane, are you all right?
Niles: I'm fine. Just a little hot. And foamy.
Martin: You know what must have happened? My Hot & Foamy must have exploded.
Daphne: He was a detective, you know!
Quote from Desperately Seeking Closure
Frasier: Roz, you must have something?
Roz: Well, you are a little full of yourself.
Frasier: Great. Okay, pompous.
Roz: And you do tend to ramble on with the callers.
Frasier: A tad loquacious.
Martin: Pretentious.
Frasier: Dad, I already wrote that down.
Martin: Underline it.
Quote from The Crucible
Martin: What are you doing to do now?
Frasier: Well, they forced my hand. I'm going to call the police.
Martin: 555-3000.
Frasier: Thanks, Dad. Try to mess with Dr. Frasier Crane, I'll teach them. Hello. Oh, yes, just a second. Dad, who do I ask for?
Martin: Have them put you through to the Fine Arts Forgery Department.
Frasier: Hello, yes, the Fine Arts Forgery Department, please. Dad! They're laughing at me.
Martin: Give me the phone. Hi, who's this? Hey, Doris! Yeah, Marty Crane. Yeah, that was my son. I just thought he needed a bite of a reality sandwich. Yeah, give my best to the guys. Thanks. Yeah, bye.
Frasier: What was that?
Martin: Frasier, the boys downtown have got their hands full with murders and robberies. They don't have time for this artsy-fartsy stuff.
Quote from Frasier's Edge
Roz: I haven't seen Daphne in a while. Is it my imagination...?
Martin: No. Six squares a day.
Roz: That's not like her. Maybe she's depressed. That's when I eat. Did you say anything to her?
Martin: Nope. Timing is very delicate in something like this, Roz. I figured I'd wait until after she's too big to catch me but before she needs the motorized scooter.
Quote from A Tsar is Born
Frasier: Oh, Dad. Niles just reminded me of something I'd completely forgotten. When the appraiser mentioned that the bear was from Russia...
Martin: Oh, yeah. Well, it probably got passed down through your great-great grandmother. She was from Russia.
Frasier: A-ha. He said something about the Romanov family?
Martin: Oh, yeah, that, huh? Are you sure you want to hear about this?
Niles: Yes, Dad.
Martin: Well, I guess you would have found out anyway after I died... We're royalty. But I didn't want you to grow up spoiled, so I abdicated and took a job in Seattle on the police force. It was kind of hard giving up that royal way of life, but I think maybe it's the swans that I miss most.
Quote from Daphne Returns
Martin: Roz, you know, if you really want to do a kid's book, you ought to write one about Eddie. I'd buy one about Eddie.
Roz: Thanks, but I already have an idea. Besides, if I were gonna use a dog, I'd probably use about my own.
Martin: Well, you wanna make your dog happy, or do you wanna sell books? Now I was thinking, Eddie joins the circus and he has all this clown makeup on and everything and juggles and stuff. And then you could do one where he invents this flying machine and has all these wacky adventures.
Roz: That's kinda cute. He could join a flock of geese or he could become the world's first dog traffic reporter.
Martin: Eddie would never do that. You really don't get Eddie, do you?
Quote from We Two Kings
Frasier: You are trying to bribe Dad to have Christmas at your place.
Niles: Oh, and what about you buying him the dancing Santa? A surprising gift considering you threw his last one off the balcony.
Martin: You did what? That Santa never did anything to hurt you. All he ever did was dance and try to make people happy.
Frasier: Yes, yes. All right, Dad.
Martin: Why’d you do it?
Frasier: All right!
Quote from Can't Buy Me Love
Martin: Well, your date's left, what are you doing still sitting up?
Frasier: Oh, I was just thinking. I was wondering if my sweet little boy's going to turn out to be a monster when he's twelve.
Martin: What the hell brought that up?
Frasier: Oh, it's a long story. Do you really want to hear it?
Martin: Well, it is getting late. Look, all kids are the same. They start out cute, then somewhere along the way they get into that obnoxious, know-it-all stage and you think they'll never grow out of it.
Frasier: But eventually they do?
Martin: I'm still hoping.