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Love Bites Dog

‘Love Bites Dog’

Season 4, Episode 2 -  Aired September 24, 1996

When Roz tries to set up Frasier with a professional golfer, she takes a shine to Bulldog instead.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Okay, sports enthusiasts. This is Dr. Frasier Crane filling in for Bob "Bulldog" Briscoe. [bangs a cymbal] You're on the air.
Mike: "This is Mike. I wanted to talk to Bulldog but you'll do. So what's your take on the damn Yankees this season?"
Frasier: Are you speaking of the frothy musical adaptation of the Faustian myth, or the baseball team of which I know nothing?
Mike: "What a weenie! [disconnects]"
Frasier: Doesn't that take me back? But he brings up a good point. You see, while I'm on the air, please feel free to call up about anything other than sports. Please. Hello, you're on the air.
Jake: "Yeah. You think it was a good idea for the Sonics to give up those draft choices so they could free up some money under the cap, you know, to go after a wide body to help them in the paint?"
Frasier: ... Yes! [takes another call] You're on the air.


Quote from Niles

Roz: If you don't come out in the next thirty seconds I'm going to reach in there and grab you out by your ankles!
Niles: Hello, Roz. Playing hard to get?

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: I can't even decipher the abbreviations on the score sheets. I'm guessing by your producer's guffaws that it is not the Cleveland Independents.

Quote from Frasier

Bulldog: I just never felt this way about a chick before. I was even thinking about me and her having kids. Isn't that scary?
Frasier: Positively bone chilling.

Quote from Frasier

Niles: Distressing news, Frasier. Francois gave away our table.
Frasier: Screw him!
Niles: Excuse me?
Frasier: You heard what I said! We don't need him or his stinky little restaurant! There are plenty of restaurants in town! I say we go somewhere we don't even need a reservation!
[Niles slaps Frasier across the face]
Frasier: Thank you, Niles.
Niles: You're welcome.
Frasier: Yes, you know, if we hasten, perhaps we can catch the first seating at Le Cigar Volant.

Quote from Bulldog

Bulldog: [on the phone] Come on now. No tears. I'll never forget you either, Sandy. Linda? Really? I thought I was
talking to your sister. Oh well, tell her same goes.

Quote from Frasier

Roz: Her name is Sharon. She's five-seven.
Frasier: Oh Roz, I'm not interested.
Roz: She's an incredible person. She's smart, she's funny, she's a former pro-golfer. She just hasn't met the right guy.
Frasier: A woman golfer. Are we quite certain there is a right guy?
Roz: She dates men.
Frasier: Not this one.
Roz: She plays chess. She loves your show. And I know this sort of thing isn't supposed to matter to people like you, but I've seen her in the showers at the gym-
Frasier: Oh, please.
Roz: And she has a body that makes Bo Derek look like Bo Diddley!
Frasier: A chess player, did you say?

Quote from Martin

Daphne: You're doing it again.
Martin: What?
Daphne: You're acting like one of those nut jobs in the park who treat their pets like children.
Martin: Yeah? Well, when you do it outside you're a nut. When you do it inside it's your own damn business.

Quote from Daphne

Daphne: Don't worry about your shoes. I'll get them all dried out for you.
Martin: Well, I hope. They're not just any shoes, you know. These are Muckabees, the most comfortable shoes made. Air-cushioned in-soles, deep flannel lining. You know, I remember one anniversary I surprised Hester with a pair of Lady Muckabees. I don't remember which anniversary, but I know it ended with a zero.
Daphne: I don't doubt that.

Quote from Frasier

[Eddie runs to Martin with his slippers in his mouth]
Martin: Oh, all right, I forgive you. I love you too. You'll always be my very best boy. [As Frasier walks by in a nice suit, Martin whistles]
Frasier: You know, Dad, there are some fathers who actually praise their sons and whistle at their dog?

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