Frasier: Oh Kate, can I have a word with you?
Kate: I'm in kind of a hurry.
Frasier: Yes, well, it'll just take a moment.
Kate: I seriously doubt that, but go ahead.

Daphne: Come on, Eddie, you love paté. And this is the good stuff. [Frasier enters] Uh-oh.
Frasier: Two syllables every homeowner loves to hear upon entering the door. Would that have anything to do with the fact that you're feeding my imported foie gras to a dog?
Daphne: Well, I'm sorry, but it calms him during the thunder.
Frasier: Oh, well, heaven forbid that Eddie should ever work a nerve. When Niles gets here we'll have sherry and snausages!

Daphne: Normally I don't believe in popping pills for every little upset.
Niles: I quite agree. My nerves are bothered by this constant thundering, too, but I would never turn to drugs to calm down. [sniffing his glass of sherry] Oh, mommy!

Martin: Now, now, Frasier, don't get me wrong. I think you're witty, you're clever, but funny's different. Funny's somebody who makes you laugh with your belly. Now, Bulldog's funny. Duke's cousin, Louie, now he's really funny! He's like Jackie Gleason, only loud! He makes you laugh so hard the beer comes out of your nose.

Bulldog: "The Salmon"? That's what you want to name our expansion hockey team, "The Seattle Salmon"?! Why don't you take your two IQ points, rub them together, see if you can't start a fire, beat it!

Frasier: I mean it, I'll go over your head.
Bulldog: Stop it, you're scaring me.
Roz: Listen, you sleazy little Lyme tick, you do that one more time and I'll cut you off. And I don't mean mid-sentence!
Bulldog: Stop it, you're scaring me!

Frasier: Do you believe these hijinks I have to put up with?
Niles: No. Who would have thought it with a station whose current motto is, "Yakkety-Yak, We Talk Back"?

Bulldog: Jack, how can I put this to you delicately? You're a moron! Shut up! You know squat! You know less than squat! You and squat could go to the movies and squat could wear an "I'm With Stupid" T-Shirt!

Daphne: You know what feels good through the nose? A warm cup of cocoa. [sentimentally] I just may go home for Christmas this year.

Frasier: You know, just because I haven't caused anyone to blow beer through their nostrils doesn't mean that I can't. Anyone who can compose a clever ballad can certainly master the intricacies of the whoopee cushion!
Martin: Well, I wouldn't be too sure about that. It's a lot harder than you think.
Frasier: All right, you just tune into Bulldog's show tomorrow. Pop open a beer and prepare for a Budweiser geyser!