‘IQ’
Season 6, Episode 19 - Aired April 8, 1999
After Frasier and Niles get competitive at a charity auction, they decide to find out who is the smarter brother.
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: I'm going to have to make myself a nice thermos full of coffee and get down to that library.
Martin: Oh, Frasier, what do you think you're gonna learn in one night?
Frasier: Just enough to ask some informed questions, Dad. I may not have a 156 IQ, but I'm a quick study. Daphne, is there something wrong with this coffee pot?
Daphne: You have to plug it in.
Frasier: Well there, you won't have to tell me that again.
Quote from Niles
Frasier: Niles, why don't you just go home and go to bed?
Niles: Well, that is exactly what you'd like for me to be happening.
Frasier: What did you just say?
Niles: Well, if you didn't repeat it the first time, I'm not gonna listen to it.
Frasier: Niles, Niles. That medication is affecting your speech. You've just taken a second dose of it. For God's sake, you're going to make a fool out of yourself.
Niles: Well, you should talk. Look at your shaky hands and your twitching eyes. You were up all night drinking coffee all last night, weren't you?
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: You know what, I might not have pushed myself on to Harvard and Oxford.
Niles: Well, I might not have been led to psychiatry, which has been the saving grace of my life.
Frasier: You see, Niles, frankly, we both have a lot to thank each other for. We've come a long way from those two little boys just starving for a parent's approval.
Martin: How are they coming?
Frasier: Oh, just great, Dad. We're going as fast as we can. Here you are.
Martin: Nice job on those patties.
Frasier: Thank you.
Niles: You really think so?
Martin: Yeah, not too thick, not too thin, tight enough to hold their shape. Perfect.
Frasier: Well, thank you, Dad.
Niles: Just wait until you see the next batch.
Frasier: Yeah.
Quote from Roz
Frasier: You know, we don't want to be late for that silent auction.
Roz: You know, I can't believe you've donated another "Day Behind the Scenes of the Frasier Crane Show" this year.
Frasier: Well, why not, Roz? It's for a good cause. The Kelly Ann Grunther foundation does excellent work.
Roz: Well, you weren't trapped in my booth with that mouth breather for three hours last year.
Frasier: Well, he wasn't that bad. Some kind of engineer, wasn't he?
Roz: Well, he wasn't a dental hygienist, that's for sure.
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: Actually, Niles, this is rather interesting. The Laureate Luncheon. Break bread with three Nobel Prize winners, Doctors Alan Zafrin, Jane Randall and Terence Quinn.
Niles: Oh, my, it's an opportunity to meet with three of the greatest thinkers of our time. I'm amazed they even got them all in the same room together. You know, Zafrin's a legendary recluse.
Frasier: Yes, well he'll be at "Fiddlesticks" tomorrow at noon.
Quote from Martin
Martin: What do we have at this table? Oh, the Windsor Monarch 2000. Oh, isn't this the one they had to recall because the propane tanks kept on exploding?
Woman: They did?
Martin: Yeah, I sure feel sorry for this guy... [reads the bid list] Martin Crane. Better give himself an apron that says "Kiss the Chef Goodbye".
Quote from Noel
Noel: Hello, there.
Roz: Hi, Noel. What are you doing here?
Noel: I came to bid on my favorite auction item. I should warn you Lady Luck is on my side tonight. The last guy who rented this tux left a perfectly good comb in the pocket. May I?
Roz: [hides pen] Oh, gosh. Well, there's no pen. I'm sorry, Noel.
Noel: No problem-o. I wear one around my neck.
Quote from Noel
Noel: It'll be so great being in that booth together, Roz. No need to get me extra headphones. I'll just share yours.