Frasier: Niles, my legs are much longer than yours.
Niles: So?
Frasier: So I should be sitting in that seat.
Niles: Well, I'm not switching.
Frasier: It was mine to begin with.
Niles: Well, I'm still not switching. I spy, with my little eye-
Frasier: I'm not playing.
Niles: Fine.
Frasier: Fine.

Frasier: Now what are you doing?
Niles: I'm staving off chapping. It's very dry in here and I don't have any lip balm.
Frasier: I do. Switch seats with me.
Niles: My integrity is not for sale.
Frasier: Suit yourself. [starts to apply lip balm] Oh my, these rich, waxy emollients are delightfully soothing...
Niles: Oh, all right, you can have the seat.

Niles: Oh, this thing. Yes, well, this was just part of a gift package the Sonics sent over. I just didn't want to seem ungrateful. Not that I owe them anything. After all, I'm the one that drained it from way downtown.

Niles: Oh, Frasier, don't grouse. I've earmarked a pair of practice pants for you.
Frasier: Thank you, Niles, but I'd like to think I've already mastered pants. I assume you're going to select a more appropriate jacket for this evening's concert?

Roz: Hi, Frasier.
Frasier: You may join me if you wish, Roz. Be forewarned, I am feeling a bit peevish.
Roz: Oh, for God's sake, you're like Goldilocks with that latte. "This foam is too hard, this foam is too soft"-
Frasier: No, this is not about latte foam, Roz.

Roz: So he's milking it a little bit, you'd do the same thing!
Frasier: I would not. I would treat it as the chance occurrence it was... like finding a terrific parking spot in front of the opera house.
Roz: You bragged about that for weeks.
Frasier: Well, it was right in front of the steps, Roz.

Jean-Pierre: [while hugging Roz] Merci pour le conseil, je meurs de faim! [Thanks for the tip. God, I'm starving!]
Frasier: He says that he'll-
Roz: Please, Frasier. Some things don't need to be translated.

Niles: Back to the tape. Now, that's about forty-five feet to that basket. You see, I used my whole body. Form is everything. You've already made or missed the shot even before you release the ball. And of course, we all know the rest of the story.
Frasier: Yes, yes! The story is, "Once upon a time, Niles Crane accidentally made a basket, The End!"
Niles: I don't deny there was some luck involved, but as we all know, luck is the residue of design.
Frasier: Oh, please! Somehow managing to hurl a ball forward is hardly design.
Niles: You're just jealous because I have game and you don't.
Frasier: Oh, please! So you think you have game?
Niles: I do, yeah.
Frasier: Oh-
Bartender: [to Martin] Do you think they're gonna fight?
Martin: I got news for you. They are fighting.

[Watching Frasier and Niles challenge each other on the mini hoop game]
Martin: I think I could use another beer.
Bartender: That'll be $2.95.