Reggie: Come on, dude.
Niles: No. Now, listen. Do you really expect me to drop what I'm doing and race down here every day just so you can run your fingers over my head?
Reggie: Yeah.
Niles: Listen to me closely. You are a gifted athlete with tremendous skill. Marshal your talents. Concentrate. Focus. The key to your success is to trust your own God-given abilities. It has nothing to do with my head.
Reggie: It must be your hair.
Niles: Will you stop it? You're obsessing!
Reggie: Come on, man. Just let me touch it?

Niles: No. You have to look at this logically. I can't come down here for every game and I certainly can't go with you when the team is on tour. This is not a long-term solution. What you need is legitimate therapy. You want to start? Come inside. I'll give you a quick session. We can proceed from there.
Reggie: Yeah, you're right, Doc. What I need is a long-term solution.
Niles: Good.
Reggie: Yo Frank, let me see those scissors. ... Coming, Doc.

Martin: Aw, man, I knew you'd find some way to ruin this!
Niles: Dad.
Martin: Courtside season tickets; VIP parking.
Niles: Dad.
Martin: No, no, you've got to have your reasons. "It's my ethics. It's my integrity. It's my allergies." Well, that's it. I'm never getting my hopes up again.
Niles: Dad, you can still watch the game on TV.
Martin: I don't want to watch the game on TV.
Niles: I'll get you a beer.
Martin: I don't like beer.

Bulldog: I hope you don't feel this way about chicks 'cause I got one of the Sonics' cheerleaders coming on my show today and she really wants to see you.
Roz: Believe it or not, Bulldog, not every man's dream woman is a pom-pom-shaking half-time half-wit.
Niles: Is she the head cheerleader?
Bulldog: Yeah. And she's coming in costume.
Roz: Of course she is. It's radio.