Niles: So, does this mean you're hoping to get lucky Friday night?
Frasier: Oh, please, Niles. Nobody refers to having sex as "getting lucky" anymore.
Niles: I do.

Martin: All right, what's going on? Frasier wants me out of here because he has a date or something?
Niles: I'm sorry, Frasier, he sees things that others don't.

Frasier: So, what did you two kids do last night? Did you, uh, play some games? Well, I mean, board games! Not that you were bored or excited. Well, not that I'd know anything or should. But uh, warm buns, Elaine? No, no, not yours. I mean ours, ours. To eat, you see. Have one. I'll have one. Mmm, warm.

Martin: Elaine's a buyer at Beaumarchais.
Frasier: Oh really, really? I do-do a great deal of shopping there. As a matter of fact, I bought the comforter on Dad's bed there. And, well, I supposed you noticed that. Well, maybe you didn't. I mean, I don't know if you had the lights on. Or, I mean, I don't know how you like it. Well, how you light it! How you like to light it!
[Daphne comes in with a large plate of sausages]
Frasier: Oh, banger, dad?

Frasier: You couldn't have served bacon?
Daphne: Me?! The way you were carrying on, I think we can be thankful I didn't make toad in the hole!

Roz: On line one we have Marianne, she's concerned about her daughter.
Frasier: Hello, Marianne, I'm listening.
Marianne: "Kids - you can't live with them, you can't shove them back in the womb."
Frasier: Well, as we try to forget the image that that summons up, how can I help you, Marianne?
Marianne: "Well, two days ago, Judy, my twenty-two year old, arrived home for a visit with her boyfriend. I insisted that they sleep in separate bedrooms. She got furious with me, and she's been giving me dirty looks all week. Am I completely out of line here?"
Frasier: Not at all. I- I think that in your own house you make up the rules.
Marianne: "Thank you."
Frasier: "But, are we sure there isn't something else going on here? Perhaps you're having a problem thinking of your daughter as an adult. You see, we all have a tendency to freeze people in roles with which we are most comfortable. Especially when it comes to that old bugaboo, sex. You know, let me use myself as an example. As many of you know, my sixty-three year old father recently moved in with me and, just this morning over coffee, I discovered that he had spent the night in his room with a delightful creature named Elaine. Well, the entire episode completely unnerved me. Why? Because I had never thought of my father as a man with normal sexual urges. To me he was always old plain old Dad. Well, that's absurd. My father is a witty, virile, charming man, possessed with the hereditary Crane good looks, and what I suppose I'm driving at is, that sexuality is a healthy part of adulthood, at any age. I think it's time we embrace that, don't you, Marianne?
Marianne: "Sorry, Dr. Crane, I gotta go. I'm hearing noises from the guest room."
Frasier: Well, as Marianne rushes to the guest room with a bucket of ice water, we will pause for these messages.

Frasier: Now, I'd like to end today's show on something of a personal note. I'm talking to one person in my audience. Elaine, you wouldn't answer my phone calls, you wouldn't come to the door, so I hope you're listening. And if you are, I want to apologize for what I said on the radio. I took something that was of a private nature and turned it into public knowledge. I promise I will never do that again. Well, except for this time, then
I promise I'll never do it again. You see, the saddest thing is, Elaine, that, uh, that Dad is paying for my mistake.
[Frasier prompts Roz to start playing "Moon River"]
Frasier: Elaine, Martin cares for you. And he misses you very much. More than anything in the world, he'd like to be back together with you. And if you feel for him the way he feels for you, I hope you'll find it in your heart to come to my place tonight, at eight o' clock, for dinner. A very romantic dinner. Thanks, Elaine. This is KACL 780 AM, talk radio. And I'm Frasier Crane, the Love Doctor.

Martin: Oh, who the hell am I kidding? She's not going to show up. I don't know why I even- [doorbell chime]
Frasier: May I suggest we just skip the first course, which is crow, and move directly into the hors d'oeuvres?

Frasier: It's ironic, isn't it? My sixty-three year old father with a bum hip is about to embark on a night of romance, while the two of us, man and woman, both attractive and eligible, and in the prime of our lives, have nothing to do on a Saturday night.
Daphne: You know, the answer to our problems may be right under our noses.
Frasier: Yes, Daphne, I think it is.
Daphne: All right. You go claim the washing machines. I'll go get the laundry.

Frasier: How long has this been going on?
Martin: Oh, she's had me over for coffee a couple of times. Just thought I'd like to have her over here for dinner. [without looking] Niles, wipe that stupid smirk off your face.