Niles: Just call me butterfingers.
Frasier: Join a health club, Niles.

Frasier: You know, Dad, instead of repairing this old relic all the time, why don't we just bring the Eames down here?
Martin: Ah, no, that thing's too fancy for me, I just need a comfortable place to park my fanny. [Martin heads for his bedroom]
Frasier: [whispers] How about Florida?
Martin: I heard that.

Niles: Dear God, Frasier, we've stumbled upon Hell's waiting room.

Salesman: People seem to like this "Lazy-guy."
Frasier: "Lazy-guy." I wonder what they call the deluxe model? The "Hopeless Slack-Ass?"

Niles: I never knew a chair could be this satisfying. I never knew that anything could. I want it.

Daphne: This is comfy. Although it's a little on the soft side. I prefer- [Frasier switches it on] Hello. Ohh. Ohh. Ohh. This is enough to make me give up me search for a meaningful relationship.

Frasier: Listen, Leo, you have got to find that chair. I don't care what you have to do. Comb the entire building, search the neighborhood, just find my father's chair!
Leo: "Dump the chair," "Get the chair," "Find the chair," what am I, the building lackey?
Frasier: Yes!

Frasier: So remember Stephanie, a little emotional flexibility is a good thing. Just as the mighty oak snaps and falls in a windstorm, so the weeping willow bends and lives to see another day. Thank you for your call.

Frasier: So, Roz, any update on the chair?
Roz: Oh, yeah, the calls have been pouring in.
Frasier: Really? And what are they?
Roz: Well, so far it's been spotted at the top of the Space Needle, in the Governor's Mansion, and a man in Lake Stevens said he saw it flying over his house, but he thought it was just a spaceship from a tacky planet.
Frasier: Funny stuff, people. Well, let's just go to commercial break so you all can chuckle through these words from Yukon Lumber.

Frasier: Oh, great. Oh, thank God. By tonight my dad will be safely back in his beer-stained, flea-infested, duct-taped recliner, adjusting his shorts with one hand and cheering on Jean-Claude van Damme with the other. Yes, it's quite a little piece of heaven I've carved out for myself, isn't it?