Niles: Barney, remember us fondly as you spread your wings and soar free.
[Niles closes his eyes and throws the bird up in the air. Martin's eyes track it as it falls down]
Martin: Oh, my God! Barney!
Niles: Where did he go? Is he soaring free?
Martin: He bounced off the railing, and landed on the Cunninghams' balcony.
Niles: Dad, look! His wing just moved! He's alive!
Martin: I'll go get him.
Niles: Hurry, hurry!
Niles: [yelling down] Don't you die! I love you, you tough old bird! ... Not you, Mrs. Cunningham.

Frasier: Kenny, what did you just eat?
Kenny: [sucking his teeth] Nothing.
Frasier: You have a toothpick!
Kenny: Oh, all right, I couldn't take it anymore. I only had a mouthful.
Frasier: Dear God!
Bulldog: What happened?
Frasier: This ravenous madman's just eaten a live pigeon!

Bulldog: Okay, guys. Huddle up. Here's the plan. I'll stand in the middle. You surround me, and lift me up, so I'm not even touching the scale. ... What?

Bulldog: Okay, everybody, let's power this crap down.
Frasier: Why?
Kenny: The more you eat before the contest, the more you artificially boost your starting weight.
Bulldog: Yeah, we got cheeseburgers, donuts, french fries, tacos.
Gil: And a duck confit that's as rich as Donald Trump and twice as greasy.

Frasier: Well, Morrie, if you're not cheating on your wife, and she still suspects you, then we're obviously dealing with a trust issue.
Morrie: "More like a crazy issue. And I know where she gets it, from her mother, who, by the way, came for Thanksgiving and still hasn't left. Happy New Year!"
Frasier: Perhaps we should tackle these issues one at a time.
Morrie: "[knock on door] I'm in the bathroom, Celeste. A little privacy? See how she gets?"
Frasier: Well, perhaps what is needed here is-
Celeste: "[phone click] You think I don't know who you're talking to in there, huh, Morrie? It's your little whore, isn't it? Hello, whore."
Frasier: Celeste, if I could interrupt for just a moment-
Celeste: "A man? It's worse than I thought."
Mother: "[phone click] Celeste?"
Celeste: "Hang up, Ma!"
Mother: "You're all on the radio. I'm listening down in the kitchen."
Morrie: "How about washing a dish or two while you're down there?"
Britney: "I cannot stand this yelling! I'm running away from home."
Morrie: "Oh, hang up the phone, Britney, you're going nowhere."
Frasier: And neither is this conversation.

Frasier: Well, it hardly seems in the spirit of the competition. The entire purpose here is to raise awareness about the obesity epidemic in this country... [Bulldog shoves a burger in Frasier's mouth]

Roz: Come on, Frasier, the winning team gets a free trip to Vegas!
[Everyone except Frasier cheers]
Gil: Four glorious days in Sin City, with all its gaudy brilliance, the feathered headdresses, the fishnet stockings.
Kenny: I'm just wearing an aloha shirt, myself.

Daphne: Oh, is your wrist still bothering you, dear?
Niles: Oh, just a little flare-up.
Daphne: Poor thing slept on it funny. Woke up screaming like a dying rabbit.

Roz: Oh, those robes. It makes them look like they're in some kind of cult.
Noel: Like the high priests of Asmodeus the Destroyer. Asmodeus, demon of lusts, eater of worlds. Does nobody read my e-mails?

Frasier: Wayne Shafter?
Wayne: Yeah?
Frasier: Frasier Crane.
Wayne: Hey, F. Hockey! What have you been up to?
Frasier: Oh, you know, not much. Harvard, Oxford, M.D., Ph. D., and then just recently, I...
Wayne: Hey, remember that time I took your chess set and made you cry?
Frasier: You did not make me cry. I chose to cry as a tactic to elicit sympathy and thereby regain my chess set.
Wayne: I threw it in the dumpster behind the cafeteria, didn't I?
Frasier: I don't know. It was never found.
Wayne: No, I did.