Frasier: Shame on you! That woman couldn't breathe, and the three of you just sat there!
Martin: You didn't exactly jump in yourself.
Frasier: That's because I mistook her choking for a sarcastic comment on my Pictionary play. You, on the other hand, were content to let the woman I love die before your eyes. That's right, I said I love her.

Alistair: Frasier!
Frasier: Oh, Alistair.
Alistair: So sorry to hear about your ordeal today.
Frasier: Oh, boy. You heard my show then?
Alistair: No, I heard the replay on "Kiki and Mel's Drivetime Circus." If it's any comfort, I went through the same thing myself once.
Frasier: Really?
Alistair: Yes, I was a guest on a call-in show, and an angry ex-boyfriend phoned in. Everything came out: names, dates, birthmarks. Had quite a chat with the wife that night. Very frank, very expensive.

[As Niles attempts to put the medal back in its place:]
Frasier: You know, before we take the picture, I have a little story I'd like to tell that just may rival that Hitler tale. The place was right here. The time was this afternoon. Opal had just set out a lovely service of tea and a plate of sweets. I remember there were three cookies sitting on the plate, and I reached for... the LEFT one. Not the CENTER one, the LEFT one. And just at the same moment, Opal reached for the very same cookie, and, oh, what did you say? Oh, it was priceless.
Opal: I said, "You take it."
Frasier: Ha! Right off the top of her head.

Daphne: You're a bit dressed up for a family dinner.
Frasier: Oh well, Roz is dropping by with someone she wanted me to meet.
Niles: Ooh, a lady friend?
Frasier: No, we're going to form a jazz trio, Niles. Of course it's a lady friend, you cherry-faced fool.

Lizbeth: That's close enough. Could you maybe put on some music?
Frasier: Dad, could you put on some music, please?
Martin: Yeah, sure. Uh, what do want, pop, big band-?
Frasier: Oh, for God's sake, just turn the damn thing on!

Frasier: Good heavens, Roz! Is that the sort of customer you're servicing? Hang that up!
Roz: [on the phone] Call me later, Tiger, okay? [hangs up] What? It pays the bills, and I'm not tied to a desk.
Frasier: Not unless they ask you to be.

Catherine: Well thank you, Dr. Crane! First you screw things up with Marco, and now you're dumping me? God! And to think I was going to have sex with you. And it was going to be hot. Oh, like you've never had before. I'm talking steamy, sweat-dripping-down-your-back, neighbors-pounding-on-the-wall, illegal-in-forty-eight-states kind of sex. But, hey! You're okay, you won't be alone tonight. No, you've got your ethics. Oh, by the way, the fish was dry.
Frasier: Oh, that was a cheap shot!

Niles: Well, you'll know tonight. If this is the correct interpretation, the conflict will have passed from your unconscious to your conscious mind.
Frasier: Yes, the dream will have served its purpose.
Niles: And you will no longer be plagued by it.
Frasier: Oh, God, Niles. I've nailed it all right. I really have. Finally, for the first time in weeks they'll be no tequila
bottles, no tattoo, no half-naked man in my bed. [Frasier looks up and sees the waitress standing by the table] So then, the Rabbi says...

Daphne: Here you are, Dr. Crane, I stopped off at the Trianon Day Spa and picked up your papaya exfoliant and your neck cream pour L'Homme.
Frasier: Thank you, Daphne. I wouldn't have sent you out in this weather if it weren't an emergency.

Frasier: Niles?
Niles: It's "Walden" by Henry David Thoreau.
Frasier: Of course it is. It is life near the bone, where it is sweetest! Should be the source of much lively discussion, wouldn't you say?