‘First Date’
Season 5, Episode 20 - Aired April 28, 1998
After deciding to finally ask Daphne out, Niles backtracks and gets caught in a lie about being in love with another woman.
Quote from Daphne
Daphne: When I was little, I actually thought celery was the meanest vegetable. Radishes were the smartest, beets were the policemen...
Niles: What kind of personality do carrots have?
Daphne: I try not to think about that when I'm chopping them.
Quote from Frasier
Niles: I didn't plan for this to happen, but we are having the most perfect evening. I'm feeling my confidence return, I just need a few more minutes alone, and I'll be able to tell her everything.
Frasier: Niles, the longer you continue with this absurd lie, the more likely it is to blow up in your face. [doorbell rings]
Niles: Why are you always such a doomsayer? As long as I keep track of what I'm saying, nothing is going to blow up on anyone. [Niles answers the door] Phyllis!
Frasier: Ka-Boom!
Quote from Frasier
Phyllis: Well, I must say, your brother certainly kept his feelings to himself. Until tonight.
Frasier: Yes, well, he's always been the quiet type. Especially since all the trouble with Heather.
Phyllis: Heather?
Quote from Frasier
Phyllis: His wife was poisoned?
Frasier: Don't worry. He stood trial, they never proved a thing.
[Niles walks up with a plate of food]
Niles: Crab puffs?
Phyllis: No. Thank you. I, I just remembered. There is someplace that I have to be. Thank you very much for the wine. Oh, my God, I drank the wine.
Quote from Frasier
Niles: Well, thank you. What did you tell her?
Frasier: I'll explain later, Niles. Tell you what, though, don't plan on running for the co-op board here anytime soon.
Quote from Niles
Daphne: I suppose we should start clearing all this up.
Niles: Actually, Daphne. Would you like to stay and have dinner with me?
Daphne: You mean that?
Niles: Yes.
Daphne: Yes, that would be lovely.
Niles: Wonderful. May I pour you some wine?
Daphne: Oh, yes. You know, I know it seems hopeless right now, but I have a feeling that before very long you'll be sitting down to a nice, romantic dinner with the woman of your dreams.
Niles: I think you may just be right.
Quote from Martin
Martin: Hey, Fras.
Frasier: Hi, Dad.
Martin: I got some bad news. I guess there isn't a good way to tell you something like this. Your god-uncle died.
Frasier: My... god-uncle? There's no such thing as a god-uncle.
Martin: Yes, there is. It's your godfather's brother. You remember your god-uncle Charlie.
Frasier: No. I barely even remember my godfather, he died twenty years ago.
Martin: Oh, yeah? Well now his brother's dead, too, so shake a leg. The wake's in twenty minutes.
Frasier: Dad, you know as much as I'd like to pay my respects, catch up with my god-cousins and meet the god-neighbors, I have some urgent business that just can't wait until later.
Quote from Niles
Niles: Hello, Frasier.
Frasier: Hello, Niles. Ooh, Niles, you'd be smart to get out of here. Dad's dragging me off to a wake for my god-uncle Charlie.
Niles: Is he the one who used to plop his eyeball into his mashed potatoes and say "I'm watching what I eat"?
Frasier: Yes.
Quote from Martin
Frasier: Oh, all right. One hour. I don't even know why I'm going. The man was a ghoul, he used to hide his glass eye in my marble bag.
Martin: I knew you remembered him.
Quote from Frasier
Niles: Frasier, how long was she standing there?
Frasier: I don't know. If I'd known Daphne was standing there, I would have said "Shut up, Daphne's standing there."