Julia: I thought you always go to Nervosa.
Frasier: Well, sadly, no more. They've hired a terribly annoying folk singer, whose hideous noise making has made it impossible for me to enjoy my one sanctuary.
Julia: I didn't ask for your life story.

Frasier: You know, Avery was always a bit of a playboy, but honestly I thought marriage would settle him down. I should just tell Julia that he's married. But then again, she's been so rude to me, why should I do something nice for her? But then again, can I just sit idly by and keep my mouth shut?
Martin: I can answer that one.

Frasier: I'm hashing over an ethical dilemma, so I think I could use some black coffee.
Server: What size would you like?
Frasier: Uh, I've got a lot to ponder, so I think a large.
Server: I'm afraid we don't have large, sir. We have piccolo, macho, mucho and mucho macho.
Frasier: I see. Uh, do you happen to know what size would correspond to a Nervosa grande?
Server: No. But our mucho is about the same as the semi-colossal over at Don't Spill the Beans.
Frasier: Ah, ah, all right. I know that their colossal is comparable to a Nervosa grande, so the semi-colossal would be three quarters of a colossal, so the mucho and the semi-colossal would be equivalent... so I should have the mucho macho. But only fill it five-eighths.
Server: Yes, sir. For fifty cents extra, we can pre-heat the vessel.
Frasier: No. Can we just move this along, please?
Server: I understand completely. Your zip-code, please? [whispering] You don't have to give your real zip if you don't want to.
Frasier: Then what's the point?
Server: It unlocks the cash register.
Frasier: Put in whatever code you wish. Here we are. Now, I'd just like a cup of coffee and a quiet place to drink it.
Server: Can do, sir. Okay, here's your change. You're number four. I'll bring it to your bean bag.

Ben: This is a song I wrote about doing the right thing.
Frasier: Oh, lord, I'm gonna need that to go.
Ben: I think we always know in our hearts what the right thing is, but we don't always have the courage to do it. In my case, I knew this guy, what was playin' around with a woman. But what she didn't know was, he already had a girlfriend. Anyway, I was the only one who knew the facts, but what was I to do? Tell the guy to back off? Tell the girl that she was dating a sleaze? So I thought, and I thought and here's what I done.
[strums guitar] Oh, what a drag, I broke a string. Anyway, I'll be back in a mo'.

Frasier: Excuse me, excuse me.
Ben: What?
Frasier: What happened?
Ben: What?
Frasier: In the song, what happened?
Ben: I have to think all the way through it. Uh, "I knew a guy who had the wandering eye..."
Frasier: Yes. Yes, we know that part. What next?
Ben: "He met a lady, he told her a lie..."
Frasier: Right, and then?
Ben: Chorus. Repeat chorus.
Frasier: Yes, yes, but the end. How did it end?
Ben: [singing loudly] "San Antonio Blues!"

Frasier: Which not only helps in the healing process, but also provides one with the confidence to go forward, in spite of the fear this kind of trauma can cause. Honestly, I can't say enough about these medicated bandage strips. But thanks for asking, Jordan.

Frasier: Hello, Avery. Impeccable timing.
Avery: Good to see you Frasier.
Frasier: Yes, hello. Oh, careful, careful. Paper cut.
Avery: Yes, I caught the last half hour of your show.

Frasier: Avery and I used to live across the hall from each other back at Oxford, now he lives in Seattle. A very accomplished accountant who's going to take me on as a client.
Roz: Well, my taxes could use some serious doing.
Frasier: Roz, he's married.

Martin: Ow! How come you only rub where it hurts?
Daphne: Your sons hired me to torture you so that's what I'm doing.
Martin: Ow! Eddie, Daddy's in trouble. Sic her.

Daphne: Okay, all done, old man. And I hope you got your griping out of your system, because I need you to be on your best behavior next time.
Martin: Why?
Daphne: Because, the agency won't assign me any more clients until an evaluator observes me at work.
Martin: Oh, geez. I don't want to go on display like some trained seal.
Daphne: Please? I'll give you some treats.
Martin: Treats, huh? Okay.