Frasier: How did this happen, Niles?
Niles: I was at a party thrown by the publisher, Olga Suerbread. The pretentious fop who had the job before me was there, too, spouting sheer drivel about Leonard Bernstein. Being polite I kept my tongue sheathed. Until he referred to Bernstein's conducting as "overrated."
Frasier: I assume you pounced?
Niles: Like a ninja! By the time I had finished with him, Olga could see I was a far better critic than that arrogant poseur.
Daphne: She fired him right there?
Niles: Well, he was leaving anyway for his junior year abroad.

Frasier: Congratulations are in order. You know, who would have thought my little brother a professional music critic?
Niles: Oh, oh, and not just music. I can review anything I want. Theater, dance, art exhibits.
Frasier: You don't say?
Niles: Yes, from now on, wherever we go, I'll be armed with my trusty pad and penlight.
Frasier: Wherever we go? What fun.
Niles: I'll have to take a damp cloth to these opera glasses, although I don't know what will we use them for, sitting in the front row? Unless it's to scan the faces of the jealous people behind us.

Frasier: Dad, believe me, I do not envy Niles his critic's job. As kids we would aggravate the situation by flaunting our toys in each other's faces. We're much more mature than that now, all right?
Frasier: Niles, you know what, it's about time we got going. We don't want to be late for the curtain.
Niles: Don't be silly. I'm press now. They'll hold it.

Niles: Hello, all. I see you all ready have the "Times." I'm quoted there today.
Frasier: In the "Times?"
Niles: Yes, here. It's in an ad for Shaw's "St. Joan": "'Incandescent,' Niles Crane, 'The Monocle.'"
Roz: Wow. Excuse me while I go and tell all my friends I know you.

Niles: That's a good one, Frasier. Perhaps you should use it in your column. Oh, that's right, you don't have one.

Frasier: Divine Beethoven. Extraordinary, isn't it?
Poppy: Oh, yes. And do you know what makes it more amazing?
Frasier: What?
Poppy: He was deaf!
[Daphne looks at Poppy like she's crazy, but Frasier maintains a non-judgmental look on his face] Frasier: Daphne, more paté, please!

Frasier: Poppy, I can't tell you how wonderful it is to meet someone who shares my passion for the arts. It's a rare thing to find in Seattle, believe me.
Poppy: Is it?
Frasier: Oh yes, sadly. If only more people were better informed about our city's rich cultural treasures. But what can we as mere radio folk do?
Poppy: Well... What about a radio show all about the arts in Seattle?
Frasier: Oh my God, Poppy, that's a wonderful idea. How do you do it? You just pull these things out of the air. Oh, heavens, of course we'll have to find ourselves a proper host, but who?
Poppy: Well, someone very smart.
Frasier: Oh, indeed.
Poppy: And cultured.
Frasier: Bien Sur.
Poppy: And with a lovely speaking voice.
Frasier: Oh, I don't think we need to look too far.
Daphne: [bringing the pate] Here you go. It's very rich, so don't spread it on too thick.

Niles: You loathe Poppy.
Frasier: I do not, I think she's delightful, [to Daphne] isn't she?
Daphne: She's an idiot.
Niles: You conniving copy-cat! You have to have whatever I have.
Frasier: I don't have what you have. My audience is twice as large as yours is.
Niles: Oh, well, at least my audience can read!
Frasier: How dare you review my audience!
Niles: I'll review whatever I want!

Daphne: [looking at Eddie] I've never seen him like this. Eyes bulging, tongue lolling out...
Martin: Oh, he always gets that way when he fights with Niles.

Frasier: Good morning, Roz.
Roz: Hi.
Frasier: Are you ready for our debut? I'm thinking of calling the show, "Frasier Crane's 'I'll Say'." But with the "I'll" spelt like a theatre aisle.
Roz: That should work real well on radio.