Roz: I've been on the phone all day, digging up dirt on Dr. Nora, and you will not believe what I found.
Frasier: Really?
Roz: I called the station where she used to work, and they couldn't wait to dish her. For starters, she has no medical degree. Her doctorate is in physical education.
Frasier: She's a gym teacher!

Frasier: Niles, before you take out your utensil chamois, I've got to tell you I have another interview in just a few minutes, all right? Though it's going to be tough to top Dr. Edelstein.
Niles: I must say, you're taking this rather well.
Frasier: What do you mean?
Niles: Many people in your position would feel threatened at the thought of... well, another cat sharing the litter-box.
Frasier: Your flattering analogy aside, Niles, I take it as a tribute. Obviously, the station is so pleased with my show that they're looking for more of the same. They could hardly ask me to do another three hours. Imagine how exhausting that would be.
Niles: And for you as well.

Nora: Dr. Crane? Dr. Nora Fairchild.
Frasier: Oh yes, of course. Welcome.
Nora: I can't tell you what a privilege this is. I listened to your show today, and I was amazed. I hope that doesn't sound too fawning.
Frasier: Oh, fawning is just fine. Fawning is fun.
Nora: I hope I'm not interrupting another interview.
Frasier: No, no. This is my brother, Niles Crane. He was just about to leave.
Nora: I should have known you two were brothers. The same superb fashion sense, the same refined yet masculine good looks. [to Niles] You must be so proud of your kid brother, the radio star.
Niles: Ah. Well, yes. Congratulations on your new job. I hope you'll be very happy at KACL.
Nora: Isn't that a bit premature?
Niles: Oh, well, let's just say I know my little brother.

Niles: Hello, Daphne.
Daphne: Hello.
Niles: Notice anything?
Daphne: Oh, yes, don't you look dashing. Blue really is your color. Hold still, though, there's something on your
lip. Oh, wait, it's some sort of hair.
Niles: Actually, it's a mustache.
Daphne: Oh, yes, so it is. Still a bit on the wispy side. Yeah, puts me in mind of my Grammy Moon. Or rather it will, once it's grown in a bit.

Martin: You know, we were listening to her while I was doing my exercises, and I don't think she's so bad.
Frasier: Excuse me?
Martin: Well, it's nice to have someone stand up for old-fashioned values. Like sex. I mean, I'm no prude, but in my day sex was still something sacred, and mysterious. Nowadays, you can't even turn on the television without seeing all this "Ooh-ooh, Ah-ah" stuff.
Frasier: Well, I think that explains our ninety dollar cable bill this month.

Daphne: I liked her, too. She reminds me of my old mum. She'll point out every little flaw you've got, remind you of every mistake you ever made, tell you you're lazy, you'll never amount to anything, and no good man will ever have you. But, it's just because she loves you. In fact, I think I'll give old mum a call!

Martin: You know, if you hate her so much, why did you hire her?
Frasier: Well, I didn't know she was going to behave this way. She said all the right things at the interview.
Niles: Ho-ho, she certainly did. She complimented his clothes, his looks. She even pretended to believe I was the older brother. Of course, the mustache may have clouded her judgment on that.
Martin: She has a mustache?

Roz: I heard what you said to that single mother yesterday. For your information, I happen to be a single mom too.
Nora: That doesn't surprise me after watching you pounce on poor George like a Kodiak bear on a salmon.
Roz: That does it!

Frasier: Roz, Roz, stop it. I have to talk to Dr. Nora before her show. Now, just pencil the hair-pulling for later, all right?
Roz: All right. [to Nora] But this isn't over between us. If you want, I'll take this out on the street.
Nora: That would hardly be fair. You'd have the home field advantage. [laughs]
[Roz lunges at Dr. Nora, but Frasier holds her pack and sends her to her booth.]

Frasier: Well, I don't even know where to begin.
Nora: Save it. Whatever it is, I've already heard it. "Dr. Nora is mean. Dr. Nora hurts people's feelings." Well, too bad. I'm not here to coddle people, I'm here to help them.
Frasier: Oh, really? And just how were you helping that poor, confused bisexual woman by calling her an "equal-opportunity slut?"