Martin: Oh, hi, Frasier.
Frasier: Hi, Dad. Hi, Niles. Forgive me, I know how annoying it can be to drop by without calling first.
Niles: Oh, don't worry, I used to do it all the time.
Frasier: That's how I know.

Martin: Oh, no, no, leave it right there. That way I won't get my pizza cheese all over your fancy chairs.
Niles: Doesn't the cheese go in your mouth?
Frasier: Well, that's certainly the goal, Niles, but you can't hit that bull's-eye every time.

Frasier: Well, good news on the employment front?
Daphne: Yes, a friend of mine just got me an interview. It's an elderly woman suffering from brittle bone disease, the poor thing.
Frasier: Well, normally I'd say "Break a leg", but...

Niles: Dad, I am so sorry!
Martin: Don't worry about it, it was an accident.
Daphne: Well, you do seem to be in one piece. Still, it was an awfully big fall. Dr. Crane, would you help me get some ice?
Niles: Good thinking, Daphne. I know I could use a drink.

Frasier: I, uh, I think I'll be off now. Off to my bachelor pad, I have a date with a lingerie model. Ha, ha, ha. "Bachelor pad, lingerie model" - the sweetest words in the English language.
Martin: I'm sorry I won't be there.
Frasier: Wait. We have a tie.

Niles: You actually convinced Dad I was trying to harm him?
Frasier: Oh, Niles, I did no such thing. I simply advanced a theory, I had no idea he would take it to heart.
Niles: Oh, balderdash.
Frasier: Please, Niles, surely it's occurred to you that your desire for Daphne is forcing you to behave in very strange ways. Or do you shove Dad down the stairs every day?
Niles: That was an accident.
Frasier: Oh, Niles, any psychiatrist worth his salt knows that there are no accidents. No one would do something like that, however unconsciously, unless they stood to gain from it.

[opening the door to reveal Martin lying on the corridor floor in agony]
Frasier: Oh, my God!
Niles: Oh, thank God... we're here to help!

Daphne: Dr. Crane, we really should get him inside.
Frasier: Yes. Just give me... a moment. [Frasier wanders into his apartment and looks around his bachelor pad. He takes a glass of wine and sits in his chair.] All right, bring him in.

Frasier: Well, I hope you're happy. Now I have to sit here all afternoon waiting for the phone to ring.
Martin: As opposed to what you normally do?
Frasier: Oh, that's rich coming from you. A man who's spent the last five years welded to his aptly named Lay-Z-Boy.

Martin: Don't walk away from me when I'm yelling at you.
Frasier: I'll walk away from you if I want to. It's my house.
Martin: Yes, don't I know it. You have no respect for my stuff.
Frasier: Yes, well if you had labeled the cassette "Rodeo Bloopers", I wouldn't have taped over it. I would have thrown it away.