Martin: Have a good time?
Frederick: I guess.
Frasier: What'd you do?
Frederick: We played some Frisbee.
Martin: Oh.
Frederick: It sucked with all those trees in the way.
Frasier: Yes, well, perhaps one day civilization will cut down all those trees, and pave over this grand wilderness, then you and your friends can play Frisbee without constraint, how would that be?

Frasier: Frederick, we're gonna be leaving in the morning.
Frederick: But I don't want to go.
Frasier: No? I thought you'd be dying to get back to your Game Boy.
Frederick: Well, yeah. But I kind of made plans.
Frasier: Oh, really? With who?
Frederick: Nobody.
Frasier: Oh, then you don't have plans. We leave at... nine-ish.

Frederick: Okay, fine. I have plans with Melody.
Frasier: The s'mores girl?
Frederick: Yeah.
Frasier: She's cute.
Frederick: She's a cheerleader.
Frasier: Ho-ho. I remember a particular cheerleader from my youth, Lorna. She was a beautiful girl. In fact, I was so intimidated by her I-I could never even work up the courage to approach her-
Frederick: Dad, I kissed her.
Frasier: Oh.
Frederick: I know. It was her first time. It was my first time, too.
Frasier: I see.
Frederick: Don't tell Mom about this, okay? She'd ask all kinds of stupid questions.
Frasier: Don't worry, son. It's just between you and me.

Frasier: Say, Daphne, did Freddie say anything in the car?
Daphne: Not really. We put your show on the radio. Heard Roz give that caller the business. [doorbell rings] Oh, I'll get that. You know, it's a pity she hasn't found someone to love.
Frasier: Hmm.
Daphne: I mean, what could be sadder than growing old alone? I wasn't talking about you, Dr. Crane. You've got your father to grow old with.
Frasier: Ah, yes.

Frasier: Oh, what an idyllic spot. I'm already beginning to feel like Thoreau.
Frederick: We can't sleep here. This place bites.
Frasier: It does not bite. "It is shelter, as good as the best, and sufficient for its coarser and simpler wants."
Frederick: That you talking, or that guy from "Where's Walden?"
Martin: Good one, Freddie.

Frasier: Who's up next, Roz?
Roz: We have Cleo from Redmond on line three.
Frasier: Hello, Cleo. I'm listening.
Cleo: "Hi, Dr. Crane. I've been dating three different guys, and I can't choose between them."
Frasier: Is it that you can't choose, or you don't want to choose?
Cleo: "It's just hard. One's really funny, one's adventurous, and one's sensitive. They're all gorgeous too."
Roz: Oh, excuse me, Cleo. This show is for people with real problems!
Frasier: Roz. Um, it sounds to me as if each suitor possesses one quality that you admire. Rather than choose among them, why not try to find one person who fits all your criteria?
Roz: Why don't you call back when you're a working single mother whose choice in dates is between a guy with eight teeth and a guy whose hair is painted on?

Daphne: Oh, you're a fine-looking one, aren't you?
Jack: Oh, I don't know.
Daphne: Modest, that's good. I don't see a wedding ring, you single?
Jack: Yes.
Daphne: Looking?
Jack: Sure.
Daphne: For a woman?
Jack: Right.
Daphne: Employed?
Jack: A surgeon.
Daphne: Mmm, impressive.
Jack: Thanks.
Niles: Okay. Well, uh, it's good to see you again, Jack. Thanks, goodbye. [Niles closes the door on Jack] What's happening? I think I'm having some kind of stroke.

Frasier: Dad, could you please be a little more supportive?
Martin: Well, I'd like to, but I tried to get you to come camping a million times, and you had to wait until the playoffs were on.
Frasier: Dad, you can watch the playoffs all year.

Daphne: Where did he go?
Niles: Uh, I gave him the boot, he's gone.
Roz: [entering the living room] Who's gone?
Niles: He had an emergency.
Roz: Oh, you have got to be kidding me.
Daphne: Oh, Roz-
Roz: I thought this one liked me. Man, I've driven away two doctors in one night.
Niles: No, uh, Hans is just the-the meat slicer from the deli.
Roz: And that's supposed to make me feel better?

Frederick: Hey, grandpa, put on MTV, Channel 46.
Martin: All right. ... Oh, jeez. What is this? They're half-nude. It's just not right.
Frederick: [on the phone] I saw this one already.