Frasier: I'm planning a bit of an intimate evening myself.
Niles: Really?
Frasier: She wants me!
Martin: Are you sure? You said that last week about the cable lady, and she just had something in her eye.

Frasier: She hit on me in the children's bookstore, where I bought her CD. Trust me, the woman is a sexual volcano just waiting to erupt!
Niles: Judging from some of these song titles, you may be right. "Nanny's Messy Bed," "I Feel Something Great Inside Me," "Bannisters are Fun"...

Frasier: Niles, if you had any idea how much pain she's in. The woman is reaching out to me to rescue her from a loveless marriage, from-from a career she feels trapped in. If I could help her make a new beginning, wouldn't it be heartless of me to deny myself to her?
Niles: Did you say something? Your penis was talking so loud I couldn't hear.

Frasier: All right. I want her and she wants me.
Niles: She's married.
Frasier: Well, I married her first. "Till death us do part," as I recall. Now you may not take those vows seriously, but I do.
Niles: Will you listen to yourself?
Frasier: Oh, this is more than just sex, Niles. This is passion, kismet. A gift the gods bestow on only a chosen few. Wouldn't the real sin be to refuse it?
Niles: Isn't that your old second-piece-of-pie argument?
Frasier: Well, maybe it is, but I haven't had pie in six months!

Roz: [entering] Ready for the concert?
Niles: Hey, Alice.
Alice: Hi, Uncle Niles!
Alice: Come on, Mommy, let's go!
Roz: Oh, oh, oh, no hugs for Frasier? [exits]
Frasier: No. No hugs for Frasier.

Martin: Whew, didn't get much sleep last night at Ronee's. Don't ask why, 'cause there are certain things a gentlemen doesn't tell.
Frasier: Ah.
[Martin chuckles]
Frasier: Dad, please?
Martin: Well, all right, I'll tell you just a little. She's got this massage oil-
Frasier: Oh, would you stop it! I do not want to hear about your dirty weekend, especially since the most erotic experience I've had in six months was last week's trouser fitting.

Frasier: The least you can do is let me borrow it sometime.
Niles: Absolutely not! You know Diego's weave conforms precisely to the contours of one's body. Five minutes on you, I'd never be able to wear it again.

Daphne: Where have you been? You missed your massage this weekend.
Martin: That's what she thinks.
Frasier: Just go!

Niles: My sweater - weren't you wearing it when you went out?
Daphne: Yeah, but Eddie was pulling me along so fast, I started sweating like a blacksmith. I could smell the lamb curry I had for lunch just wafting out me pores. But don't worry, it's right here. [retrieving the sweater] Oh, great! That was me last butterscotch. Now it's all fuzzy!

Frasier: Nanette!
Nanette: God, I could throw you down on this floor right now and... [seeing everyone] Hi!
Niles: Hello.
Frasier: Here, let me take your wrap.
Daphne: Isn't she the children's entertainer?
Martin: Yeah, SpongeBob Hotpants.