Daphne: Is something wrong?
Niles: What? No. You know, since we're not going to have breakfast, maybe we should go.
Daphne: All right. That way we can pick up your car from the shop.
Martin: What happened to your car?
Niles: [quietly] Got struck by lightning.

Roz: Are you talking about that tooth again?
Niles: It's still throbbing, thank you! Which means my heart is probably on its last legs.
Roz: Come on, Niles, you said it was a one in a million chance.
Niles: One in ten thousand. And I've been beating those odds all week. I don't believe in omens, but these are getting harder and harder to ignore.
Roz: So are you.

Roz: How does Daphne put up with all this?
Niles: I haven't told her about it. Because, unlike you, she'd worry about me.
Roz: Get your heart checked. And stop obsessing about it.
Niles: I'm going to. In all probability, there's a perfectly reasonable expla- [gasps]
Roz: What?
Niles: I won another fanny pack!

Martin: Hey, careful there mister. You're gonna get water all over the clean floor.
Frasier: Well, maybe you can have Trish wax this floor tomorrow.
Martin: She already did. It took her two hours. And it just took you two seconds to mess it up and start complaining.
Frasier: Well, I'm not complaining, Dad, but look at these streaks here. It's like she never waxed a floor before.
Martin: All you do is nag, nag, nag! Meanwhile, she tried a new fabric softener on your sweater and you didn't even notice.
Frasier: Well, my sweaters are supposed to be dry-cleaned.
Martin: Oh.
Frasier: Oh, and remind me to say something to her about flipping my mattress.
Martin: What the hell are you trying to do, kill her?

Martin: Hey, Fras, sorry to bother ya. Trish was wondering where you keep the silver polish. Right, I told her about that tarnish on your shrimp fork. She suggested a place you could keep it where the air won't get to it.

Frasier: Well, you know, I also think that she's made some real improvements around here. Tell her that.
[Martin goes into the bathroom, then pokes his head out:]
Martin: She wants an example.
Frasier: How should I know? Make something up.
Martin: Oh, no wonder she's mad, you ungrateful son of a bitch!

Frasier: All right, what the hell is going on?
Trish: No idea. I just came by for my paycheck.
Martin: Well, uh, I got some bad news about that, Trish. I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to let you go.
Trish: Oh. Okay, but you still owe me for the days I was supposed to be here last week.
Martin: Sure, sure. And there'll be a check in the mail sometime after the first... [closing the door] asteroid hits Earth!

Roz: Well I suppose you looked in the classifieds under "Housekeepers"?
Frasier: Check.
Roz: And you asked people in your building?
Frasier: Check.
Roz: And you called the employment agencies?
Frasier: Again, check.
James: [handing him the check] I heard you the first time.

Gil: Oh, nice outfit, Roz. Somehow you and a peasant blouse just seem to go together.
Roz: Thanks. Haven't worn it for years. I mean, how long can something stay in the closet?

Frasier: Say, uh, Gil, are you pleased with your housekeeper?
Gil: Oh, you mean Chung? Oh yes, he's marvelous. He's efficient, he's dependable and he still hasn't figured out American money. Between you and me, I told him when they made Lincoln's picture bigger it was worth more.