Niles: The point is, that same night I crept out onto the screen porch, leaving the lights off so not to attract bats and moths.

Daphne: Here's one whose head should have been cut out. That scrawny little chap with the fish-belly complexion and rain hat.
Niles: I was under doctor's orders to stay out of direct sunlight.

Niles: There's one sure way to get the truth. We'll call Aunt Vivian.
Frasier: Oh, no.
Daphne: Who's Aunt Vivian?
Niles: Better known as The Mouth, keeper of the Crane family skeletons.
Frasier: No, Niles, we are not calling Aunt Vivian.
Niles: Why? Are you scared you'll find out something you don't want to know?
Frasier: Yes. That she knows where I live and that she still drives.

Niles: Well, It's times like this that most families pull together and draw strength from each other. What shall we do?

Niles: Frasier, as your brother, as a therapist, I think you have to let this go. And a good first step would be to come with me to my "Healing with Humor" support group.
Frasier: Thank you Niles, but I think I just need a night to myself.
Niles: Well, if you change your mind it should be a hoot. As we speak, I'm wearing oversized polka-dot boxers and quick-release suspenders.

Frasier: There's one thing I gotta clear up. There's this photo album here, there's all these pictures with the same woman that's been cut out of them, you see this?
Martin: What else do you notice, Sherlock? Like, where's your mother?
Frasier: Oh. Oh, that was mom?
Martin: She cut herself out of it. She put a few pounds on that summer. I think that day she was wearing a brown dress with a belt, and your Aunt Vivian told her she looked like a knockwurst tied in the middle.
Frasier: You know, Dad, ever since you moved in we've been trying to find something that we have in common. I think we've finally found it.
Martin: Yeah. I wish it was a birthmark.
Frasier: So do I.

Daphne: Ooh, I love to see old family photos. [looks] My goodness. What a handsome, sinewy young bloke.
Frasier: Yeah, that was our dad.
Daphne: You two take after your mother, don't you?

Frasier: You know, Niles, maybe you should have that martini after all.
Niles: Well, I can't, Frasier, I'm driving.
Frasier: Not anymore. They just towed your car.

Marion Lawler: Well, you never know how hard that's going to hit you. Look who I'm telling this to, the famous radio psychiatrist, Dr. Frasier Crane. I remember you when you used to run around in your undies with your pail and shovel.
Frasier: Yes, well I rarely get to the shore anymore.

Daphne: Have you ever thought about growing a mustache?
Frasier: No, I don't think it would suit me.
Daphne: Oh, yes it does.
Frasier: You've never seen me with one.
Daphne: Actually, I have. There's a billboard for your show down on 16th Street. Some kids went at you with a can of spray paint.
Frasier: And it looked good?
Daphne: Oh, yes. But a word to the wise: take good care of your teeth. That look is not at all flattering on you.