‘Ask Me No Questions’
Season 4, Episode 22 - Aired May 20, 1997
Frasier troubles himself trying to answer Niles' question about whether he and Maris are meant to be together.
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: Good Lord. It's like Christmas morning in the Gambino household.
Quote from Niles
Niles: How did you get up here?
Frasier: Well, the doorman was asleep.
Niles: Well, what a coincidence, so was I.
Frasier: I'm sorry, Niles. I apologize for the late hour.
Niles: What's wrong? You smell of the streets.
Quote from Daphne
Daphne: Is this for me?
Martin: Well, do you know anybody else around here who uses Eucalyptus bubble bath?!
Daphne: Well, your son occasionally likes...
Martin: Oh, never mind.
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: Listen Marta, I'm going to come right to my point. Dr. Crane and Maris - Missy Crane - have both been seeing a couples' therapist lately and I understand it's going very well.
Marta: Therapy helping Missy Crane a lot.
Frasier: Mmm-hmm. Really? So you would say that she is a changed person?
Marta: Si, si. Missy Crane very different: nicer to everyone, and this time no happy pills. For my birthday she give me beautiful Chanel makeup bag. It's a knock-off, but it's big!
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: Oh, all right then, this is my question: if Dr. Crane and Mrs. Crane were to get back together, do you... Do you think Mrs. Crane would treat Dr. Crane better?
Marta: Oh, yes, please ask Dr. Crane to come home.
Frasier: Marta, you've been most helpful. You know, lately I've been wondering if Niles and Maris ought to be together. Now, thanks to you, I know that the answer to that question is yes. [Marta covers a giggle] What? Did I say something funny?
Marta: No, my beeper's on vibrate, it tickled me.
Quote from Niles
Frasier: I don't think you and Maris are meant to be together. I believe that a marriage should be built on a foundation of friendship and mutual respect. With Maris I fear that you never experienced those things fully. And I question whether you'll ever be truly happy.
Niles: I see. Well, thank you.
Frasier: You're hurt, aren't you?
Niles: No, I-I just need some time to process this. I appreciate you stopping by, it's just that it's one of those times I need to be alone. [a bell rings]
Frasier: Did you just hear a bell?
Niles: No. Why don't you come on, go home, get some rest. [bell rings again]
Frasier: There it is again.
Niles: No, I don't think so.
Frasier: Wait a minute. Oh, Niles. Maris is here, isn't she? How could you?!
Niles: Well, she offered and I said yes.
Frasier: Well, how could you do something like this without waiting for my opinion?
Niles: Well, someone certainly has a high opinion of his opinion!
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: You know, why don't you just go run back to her before she sprains her wrist.
Quote from Daphne
Daphne: I got you a gift.
Martin: You did? What's the occasion?
Daphne: No reason.
Martin: You can't just give somebody something for no reason.
Daphne: Yes, I can.
Martin: No, you can't.
Daphne: Yes, I can.
Martin: No, you can't.
Daphne: You're starting to take the fun out of this.
Quote from Martin
Martin: Boy, Daphne, this is really nice. I wish I had something to give you.
Daphne: Oh, we're back on that again.
Martin: Yeah, all right. All right. But at least let me pay you for it.
Daphne: Pay me for it? It's a gift.
Martin: Well, just a couple of bucks for the yarn.
Quote from Roz
Frasier: That's a good sign?
Roz: Hello? She might as well cat-roped you with her pantyhose.
Frasier: It promises to be a very interesting night. Though she is very attractive, slender...
Roz: Gee, I wonder why your mind went there?
Frasier: Oh, not this again!
Roz: Of course it would. She was standing next to me. I hate these pants.
Frasier: Oh, please.
Roz: I look like the Liberty Bell.