‘A Lilith Thanksgiving’
Season 4, Episode 7 - Aired November 26, 1996
When a place opens up at a prestigious academy, Frasier and Lilith upend thier Thanksgiving plans to meet the school's headmaster.
Quote from Martin
Niles: Oh, by the way, what time are Lilith and Frederick flying in tomorrow?
Martin: Her broom touches down at eleven.
Quote from Niles
Martin: What's wrong?
Niles: Oh, just a little depressed. It's my first Thanksgiving without Maris.
Martin: Oh, yeah, I know, son. It's hard.
Niles: Do you remember the year I plopped that big wedge of pumpkin pie in front of her, and we all laughed? Then I put a big scoop of whipped cream on top of it and we laughed some more! Then her eyes welled up with tears and we all knew it was time to stop.
Quote from Niles
Frasier: Now this, of course, changes our plans.
Martin: Wait, you mean I don't get to see my grandson?
Frasier: Of course you do. We'll move our whole Thanksiving celebration to Boston. I'll call the airline.
Niles: I better cancel our rustic Thanksgiving. [on the phone] Hello, Buck? It's Dr. Crane. Take the mints off the pillows.
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: My God, are you half as nervous as I am?
Lilith: And then some.
Frasier: Well, we have got to master our nerves. It is vital that we appear to be well-adjusted, responsible parents. Lilith, do you still keep the Valium with the contraceptives?
Lilith: Sorry, I needed the last one just to go in and pick up the application.
Frasier: I'll assume you meant the Valium.
Quote from Lilith
Martin: Hey, Freddie and I are gonna break in this new mitt I bought him.
Lilith: Uh, Frederick doesn't play ball. He was just about to watch "Pocahontas" and write a satirical essay on the historical inaccuracies.
Quote from Niles
Niles: Oh, wait, where do you keep your saffron?
Lilith: Third cupboard.
Niles: Mm-hmm. And where do you keep your shallots?
Lilith: In the crisper. By the way, you still have to remove the entrails from the chest cavity.
Niles: In that case, where do you keep your ten-foot pole?
Quote from Niles
Niles: Dad, wait. Wait. How am I going to explain this to Lilith?
Martin: Well, I don't know. How did you give Maris bad news?
Niles: Usually by breaking a tranquilizer in her Slim Fast.
Quote from Frasier
Lilith: Oh, look, here it is. That was lucky.
Dr. Campbell: Remarkably so, considering that wasn't the chair you were sitting in.
Lilith: Um...
Frasier: Well, I suppose it's time we be shoving off.
Dr. Campbell: I'm curious. I've always been a great admirer of Mrs. Meir. How did you meet?
Lilith: Oh, well, it's a funny story.
Frasier: Ah, yes, yes.
Lilith: Frasier you tell it much better than I do.
Frasier: It was back in college days. Lilith spent a summer at a kibbutz. And, uh, was dating her grandson, Oscar.
Dr. Campbell: That would be Oscar Meir?
Frasier: Yes, well just imagine the ribbing he took.
Quote from Frasier
Dr. Campbell: Indeed. Well, it's so good to see you both again. Enjoy your Thanksgiving. Marbury thanks you for your interest.
Frasier: Wait! Wait a minute. "Marbury thanks you for your interest." We know what that means.
Dr. Campbell: Oh good, then you'll have no trouble interpreting this. [slams the door in their faces]
Quote from Frasier
Dr. Campbell: Ah, Dr. Sternin and Dr. Crane. Forgive me if I don't give you a big hello hug, but as you can see, I'm wearing this greasy apron. On top of which, I'm beginning to loathe the sight of both of you.
Lilith: All the more reason for us to be brief.
Dr. Campbell: Yes, I'm sure you'll be on your way, just as soon as you've found the cufflink given to you by Haile Selassie.
Lilith: No false pretense this time. We know that with so many qualified applicants and only one position open, that your decision must be very difficult.
Frasier: Yes. And so, in the spirit of the holidays, like Indians to your pilgrims' table, we bring this little bit of garnish, as it were, in the hopes that our relationship may flower.
Dr. Campbell: I'll have you know that, in twenty-two years, I have never accepted a bribe. I have to tell you, I find this utterly offensive. [He looks at the check] In every possible way. And now, if you don't mind, I have guests on the way. And a turkey so under-cooked, a skilled veterinarian could still save him.
Frasier: But, Dr. Campbell...
Dr. Campbell: Unless the rest of that sentence is "I have a fully cooked turkey in the breast pocket of that blazer," I'm afraid our conversation is at an end.