Frasier Quotes



After Dr. Frasier Crane returns to his hometown of Seattle to host a radio call-in show, his bachelor lifestyle is turned upside down when his father is forced to move in with him.

Starring: Kelsey Grammer, David Hyde Pierce, John Mahoney, Jane Leeves, Peri Gilpin.
Original Run: 1993-2004.

Quote of the Day

Saturday, August 8, 2020

Quote from Roz in Secret Admirer

Roz: Oh, my God. You have two women?
Frasier: At least.
Roz: And you're juggling them? And you're getting jewelry?
Frasier: Why is that so hard to believe?
Roz: Well, I guess since they cloned that sheep, anything's possible.


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Quote from Frasier in She's the Boss

Frasier: What the hell was that? Was that a gunshot?
Niles: Morning, Frasier. Just getting up?
Frasier: "Just getting up?" Are you out of your mind? A gun just went off in here!
Martin: Niles bought a starter's pistol.
Niles: And there's no need to get snippy. Accidents happen, you know.
Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry. Was I snippy? I didn't realize it was too much to ask that there not be gunplay in my living room!

Quote from Frasier in The Good Son

Niles: Of course, I can't take care of him.
Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Why?
Niles: Because Dad doesn't get along with Maris.
Frasier: Who does?
Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun, except without the warmth.

Quote from Martin in The Two Mrs. Cranes

Niles: So, now you've met the whole Crane clan.
Clive: Although, Daphne, I noticed in the phone book your surname still is Moon.
Niles: Oh, that must be an old book. Now she hyphenates. It's Moon-Crane.
Martin: I remember the first time I ever drove a moon crane. Damn near rolled it into the Sea of Tranquility.

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Quote from Niles in Where Every Bloke Knows Your Name

Niles: I gave Maris her birthday saddle. She was so thrilled she treated me to a little Lady Godiva impression.
Frasier: Oh, my.
Niles: Apparently, the oils in the saddle reacted badly with her cellulite cream and created a powerful epoxy.
Frasier: Oh, dear.
Niles: Yes, it took an hour and a full bottle of nail polish remover to get her free. Today, her poor little thighs were so sore the only way she could find comfort was to straddle a frozen butterball turkey.

Quote from Niles in My Coffee with Niles

Frasier: And you know, sometimes I do see the fruits of my labor. You know, just the other night, Dad was watching TV and I had fallen asleep on the couch. And suddenly I stirred, felt something on my head, and Dad was standing above me stroking my hair.
Niles: Dad?! Did he say anything?
Frasier: Well, he said, "Don't think it's time you got a hair cut? You're starting to look like Bozo!" I know he was only covering though. But what do you think?
Niles: Probably wouldn't hurt to get a trim.
Frasier: No! Do you think he was covering?
Niles: Of course he was covering. You know Dad. Tough as nails on the outside, but on the inside one giant ... spike.

Quote from Frasier in The Two Hundredth Episode

Frasier: Listen, Tom, you know I must confess I'm a bit concerned. Um. I'm delighted to have you as a fan, I really am. But the whole purpose of my show is to help people live better lives, and I'm afraid that I've hurt yours. I just... There should be more to life than... There should be more.
Tom: Yes, but as you always say, "Life is most fulfilling when spent in the pursuit of one's passions."
Frasier: Yes, but as I've also said, "Weave the tapestry of your life with many diverse threads."
Tom: Ah, yes, but you added, "Make sure to weave the pattern that pleases you most."
Niles: "Weave the tapestry with diverse threads"?
Tom: Yes, Frasier said all of these things, and many others. He is a genius. Would you like some guacamole?