Frasier Quotes

Frasier

Frasier

After Dr. Frasier Crane returns to his hometown of Seattle to host a radio call-in show, his bachelor lifestyle is turned upside down when his father is forced to move in with him.

Starring: Kelsey Grammer, David Hyde Pierce, John Mahoney, Jane Leeves, Peri Gilpin.
Original Run: 1993-2004.

Quote of the Day

Wednesday, October 21, 2020

Quote from Martin in Mary Christmas

Martin: Oh, that's it. I know I should have stocked my old Ballantines as soon as they stopped making it. Now, I can't find a single can. Christmas is ruined.
Daphne: Christmas is about more than beer, Mr. Crane.
Niles: Yeah. And this year's extra special because Daphne and I are together.
Martin: Well, that's true. No more Mel, no Maris, no Lilith... maybe I won't need beer this Christmas.

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Quote from Frasier in She's the Boss

Frasier: What the hell was that? Was that a gunshot?
Niles: Morning, Frasier. Just getting up?
Frasier: "Just getting up?" Are you out of your mind? A gun just went off in here!
Martin: Niles bought a starter's pistol.
Niles: And there's no need to get snippy. Accidents happen, you know.
Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry. Was I snippy? I didn't realize it was too much to ask that there not be gunplay in my living room!

Quote from Frasier in The Good Son

Niles: Of course, I can't take care of him.
Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Why?
Niles: Because Dad doesn't get along with Maris.
Frasier: Who does?
Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun, except without the warmth.

Quote from Martin in The Two Mrs. Cranes

Niles: So, now you've met the whole Crane clan.
Clive: Although, Daphne, I noticed in the phone book your surname still is Moon.
Niles: Oh, that must be an old book. Now she hyphenates. It's Moon-Crane.
Martin: I remember the first time I ever drove a moon crane. Damn near rolled it into the Sea of Tranquility.

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Quote from Niles in Freudian Sleep

Niles: Two of my patients cancelled, and Daphne and I spent the afternoon arguing over which diaper pail we would buy for the nursery. Then, driving home, I successfully avoided hitting a squirrel, only to be nearly run off the road by some horn-happy maniac.
Frasier: That was me, you simp. You nearly killed me.
Niles: You nearly killed me! And what was that crude multi-part gesture you unleashed on me?
Frasier: I had hot coffee all over my hand.

Quote from Frasier in Analyzed Kiss

Frasier: Well, I suppose I'll be fielding this last one myself. Let's try line two. Go ahead, caller, your name and problem, please.
Ernie: "Yes sir, my name's Ernie, and I'm real angry at my dog."
Frasier: Okay, Ernie. Uh, very often when people have feelings towards their pets it often reflect feelings they have about themselves and their place in society. So tell me, why are you angry at your dog?
Ernie: "Well, he keeps telling me to take off my foil helmet."
Frasier: Would you hold on, Ernie? Um, someone will come on the line with the number of an expert in this sort of situation.

Quote from Daphne in Deathtrap

Daphne: I used to have the same problem when I was raising show rats.
Niles: You don't mean the nasty, plague-propagating vermin, do you?
Daphne: No. I mean purebred rats. As in Siamese or Himalayan or Husky. My most prized one was an Andalusian Blue named Lady Prissy and she wasn't sick a day in her life. So don't go blaming all rats because of a few bad apples.
Frasier: A few bad apples? Daphne, they spread a disease that nearly wiped out half the population of Europe.
Daphne: Shows what you know. Those were common European brown rats.
Frasier: Yes, but the point is-
Daphne: Oh, no, no, no. I'll sit here and listen to you prattle on about wine and opera. But when it comes to rats, you're in my house.