Frasier Quotes



After Dr. Frasier Crane returns to his hometown of Seattle to host a radio call-in show, his bachelor lifestyle is turned upside down when his father is forced to move in with him.

Starring: Kelsey Grammer, David Hyde Pierce, John Mahoney, Jane Leeves, Peri Gilpin.
Original Run: 1993-2004.

Quote of the Day

Wednesday, January 20, 2021

Quote from Martin in Sharing Kirby

Daphne: Well, stay calm, or you'll be on it forever.
Martin: How can I stay calm? I'm just sitting here expecting this thing to go off any second. I'm afraid to move. It's like I'm a prisoner. You know, that's just like doctors, isn't it? They're always finding some new way to torture you. Well, maybe I want my blood pressure to be high. Did they ever think of that? I mean, what... [the cuff beeps and starts to inflate] There it goes! You sneaky bastard!


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Quote from Frasier in She's the Boss

Frasier: What the hell was that? Was that a gunshot?
Niles: Morning, Frasier. Just getting up?
Frasier: "Just getting up?" Are you out of your mind? A gun just went off in here!
Martin: Niles bought a starter's pistol.
Niles: And there's no need to get snippy. Accidents happen, you know.
Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry. Was I snippy? I didn't realize it was too much to ask that there not be gunplay in my living room!

Quote from Frasier in The Good Son

Niles: Of course, I can't take care of him.
Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Why?
Niles: Because Dad doesn't get along with Maris.
Frasier: Who does?
Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun, except without the warmth.

Quote from Martin in The Two Mrs. Cranes

Niles: So, now you've met the whole Crane clan.
Clive: Although, Daphne, I noticed in the phone book your surname still is Moon.
Niles: Oh, that must be an old book. Now she hyphenates. It's Moon-Crane.
Martin: I remember the first time I ever drove a moon crane. Damn near rolled it into the Sea of Tranquility.

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Quote from Niles in You Can Go Home Again

Waiter: You ready to order?
Niles: Uh, yes. Double decaf non-fat latte, mmm... medium foam, dusted with just the faintest whisper of cinnamon.
Frasier: I'll have a black coffee.
Niles: You'll have to forgive my brother. He just came in on the noon stage.
Frasier: I hope I never see the day when I am so frightfully pretentious that a good-old cup of American coffee isn't good enough for me.

Quote from Martin in Shutout in Seattle

[Martin enters the apartment as Niles' cellphone is ringing]
Martin: [answering the phone] Hello?
Frasier: [on his phone] Yes, hello, is Niles Crane there, please?
Martin: [on the phone] Uh, I don't know, I just got here. Let me go check.
[Martin goes into the kitchen]
Martin: Frasier, have you seen Niles?
Frasier: I'm just trying to reach him, Dad.
Martin: Oh, okay.
[Martin returns to the living room]
Martin: [on the phone] No, I'm sorry, he's not here. But I'll write your name down and give it to him. Uh, wait a minute, I've gotta find a pen.
[Martin goes to the kitchen again]
Martin: Frasier, have you seen my-
Frasier: Dad, please, I'm on the phone.
Martin: Well, I'm sorry, I was just looking for a pen! Forget it.
[Martin returns to the living room. Frasier follows him]
Martin: [on the phone] Hello? Listen, could you maybe call back in an hour?
Frasier: Dad?
Martin: Would you mind, please? I'm on the phone!
Frasier: [on his phone] Dad, it's me.
Martin: Frasier, why did you call from the kitchen? You could have just walked in here.
Frasier: Just hang up the phone.

Quote from Niles in Head Game

Roz: Look at these faxes that came for you.
Niles: Faxes? "Seattle thanks you." "You're the Sonics MVP." [gives Roz a questioning look]
Roz: Most Valuable Player.
Niles: Oh! "You're a genius." With the less common J spelling but still, his point is well taken.