Frank: This is a nuthouse. I'll come back when it's calmer. Let's go, Marie.
Marie: I'm not coming.
Frank: But I'm still hungry.
Marie: And I'm still not coming. Chop your own damn celery.
Frank: Fine. Who needs you? I'll do it myself! [walks away, returns] Where are the knives? [Marie laughs] Never mind. I'll use my razor.

Debra: Anything she cooks for me, you're tasting first.
Ray: Don't worry, she'll be gone soon. My father can't last alone much longer.
Debra: Why don't you go in there and give her a little nudge?
Ray: Is it really our business?
Debra: Ray, she's in there chiseling my headstone.

Frank: Are you ready for the surprise?
Debra: Mmm, I'm starved.
Frank: Okay. Here it is.
Debra: Ooh, a dinner of eggs.
Frank: But not just any eggs. Eggs with salsa on them. They're called huevos rancheros. This dish is gonna sweep the nation. Yes, sir. Fill your face. I made mucho.
Debra: Thank you. That's really sweet of you, Frank.
Frank: I can be sweet. It takes people time to discover that. I'm sorry. Did I spray you a little?
Debra: That's okay.

Marie: Look at this. I made a pecan pie. [Ray hugs Marie] Go take a nap. I'll call you when it's ready. Ooh, you want some milk to tide you over?
Ray: Okay.
Marie: Sit down. I got skim and whole in here.
Ray: I'll take whole.
Marie: You want some chocolate in it?
Ray: Okay.
Marie: I'll have some, too.
Robert: [enters] I found you.
Marie: Oh, Robbie, sit down. We're having chocolate milk. You want some?
Robert: Okay.
Marie: Oh, good boys. I love taking good care of my boys.
Ray: I like a lot of chocolate.

Debra: Hey, according to this, we can afford a car phone.
Ray: No. No car phone.
Debra: Why? Why do you fight technology?
Ray: Oh, I'm against technology?
Debra: Yeah.
Ray: Who introduced you to the Wonderbra?
Debra: Well, a man that radical should welcome a simple car phone.
Ray: Why? So you can just talk to your friends wherever you go? Look, just sweat it out. Soon the phone will be a little chip you can implant in your head.
Debra: Well, good. I can't wait.
Ray: Yeah, you would love that. "I got a call coming. Hi, Linda. How are you? Yeah. Oh, my other line. I gotta put you on hold. Julie. Hi, Julie. Linda's right here. No, I'll put you on conference. Don't go anywhere. How are you guys? Whoa, hold on guys. I'm getting a fax."

Debra: What do you think she's doing up there?
Ray: You hear that?
Debra: No, I don't hear anything.
Ray: That's the sound of all our clothes being refolded.
Debra: Boy, she doesn't stop. How did you survive growing up with her?
Ray: I spent a lot of time pretending to be asleep.
Debra: I think she's coming.
[Ray turns over on the couch and pretends to be asleep]
Marie: You know, dear your clothes are a disaster. You know, those wire hangers crease everything. [sees Ray "sleeping"] Oh, sorry.
Debra: [hits Ray with a newspaper] Oh, look, he's up.

Ray: Dad, can I come in?
Frank: You may enter.
Ray: What, is your TV broken?
Frank: Of course not. Look, see, I taped down the scan button. Now when I'm flipping channels, I don't have to move.
Ray: That's good. Why don't you tape your eyelids up, and then you'll never miss anything.
Frank: That's silly.

Ray: All three kids asleep. You thought I couldn't get Ally to take a nap.
Debra: Good job, honey.
Ray: Yeah. By the way, tomorrow we have to buy a pony.

Debra: Would you look at this great big stain here. That carpet guy swore up and down that he could get it out.
Ray: Look, I don't want to hear about stains. The kids are asleep, the house is quiet. Now it's quality time. Just me and you. [opens newspaper]
Debra: You better be looking at jewelry ads.

Marie: Did you want me to go?
Debra: No, of course not, Marie.
Marie: Good, because I'm not going back to that house.
Ray: Right. Until you cool off.
Marie: No, I've had it. I'm staying here.
Ray: Right, till dinnertime.
Marie: I don't want dinner. Maybe I'll be hungry in the morning.
Ray: [to Debra] She doesn't eat much.