Ray: Hey, powder puff! [Frank turns around in confusion] That's right, I'm talking to you. What are you doing here?
Frank: I got a rash on my leg.
Ray: Oh, well... And by all means, touch all our food.

Debra: Ooh, you're all wet. What happened to you?
Ray: Yeah, I was in the Giants' locker room. I ended up in the shower with Joe Taggart. I was doing interviews. But listen to this: It's after practice, right, and everyone's pretty much cleared out, and I hear the shower still going, so I look in...
Frank: What are you looking in for?
Ray: Nothing. The shower's still going. It's a waste of water. Anyway, it's Joe Taggard and he's sitting on the floor with his head down and the water's going on him, and you know what he says to me?
Frank: "Do my back"?

Ray: You want something?
Frank: I just wanted to return this ointment.
Ray: Oh, yeah. How did that work out for you?
Frank: Good, good.
Ray: You didn't come down here to show me, did you?
Frank: No, no, no. You know, I was talking to Garvin and Stan, and they read your column and they were going on about how much they liked it.
Ray: Oh, yeah? Well, tell them I said thanks.
Frank: Well, me too. I mean, I thought it was good too. You're a good writer. Did I ever tell you that?
Ray: No.
Frank: You're a good writer.
Ray: Well, thanks.

Frank: So, what are you working on there today?
Ray: Oh, nothing. Just something on Ken Griffey Jr.
Frank: Oh, yeah?
Ray: Yeah. Yeah, he's been in a slump, so he called his father to help him with his swing. Did you know that he does that?
Frank: Oh, yeah? Well, that's a good father. Hey, hey, remember how I took you to the playground there at the school and I hit fly balls to you?
Ray: Yeah, yeah, I remember that day.
Frank: Yeah, I liked that. Me and you should do that again sometime.

Ray: Hey, Stan. Hey, Garvin.
Garvin: Hey, Ray's here! [cheers] Ha ha!
Ray: Ha ha ha.
Stan: Hi, Ray. We got the money we owe your old man.
Garvin: Frank!
Ray: He's not here. He's not here. He went to the barber shop to get a haircut and a shave.
Garvin: Well, how do you like that? Diamond Jim Brady's getting the shave too. I guess we're paying for that shave.

Ray: Ain't tonight your poker night? Why don't you give it to him then?
Stan: I'm not gambling with him anymore.
Garvin: Me neither.
Stan: I'd never seen a guy on such a hot streak. It's not natural, it's supernatural.
Garvin: You know why? 'Cause he's a witch. That's what he is, a witch.
Stan: Not a witch, a warlock.
Garvin: Nobody says "warlock" anymore. They're all witches.
Ray: Okay, guys.
Stan: You're telling me he's a male witch?
Garvin: You don't say "male witch." It's like "male nurse." Nowadays, they're all just nurses.
Ray: I'll see that he gets that.
Stan: Then I say he's a witch doctor.

Stan: I swear, Ray, he put some kind of voodoo curse on Joe Taggard last week.
Garvin: Yeah, he kept saying he had this feeling that Joe Taggard was off his game.
Ray: Wait a minute. I thought you were talking about poker.
Stan: No, no, we've been betting sports.
Garvin: Yeah, yesterday your father takes Seattle over the Yanks, and Griffey breaks out of his slump and knocks in a couple of homers.
Stan: How cold he know about Griffey? Come on, Garvin, let's catch up to him at the barber shop.
Ray: Wait a minute, wait a minute. I'll see that he gets that.
Stan: That's all right. We'll do it.
Ray: No, if you don't mind, I'd really like to give it to him.
Garvin: Fine with me!
Stan: He's not a gracious winner, your father. You know what he is? He's a witch who made a pact with the devil.
Garvin: He didn't make a pact with the devil, he is the devil. Satan! Beelzebub! The sanction of 666! Hey, nice to see you, Ray. Say hi to your mom!

Frank: Ah, I feel like I'm back in the womb.
Sal: 15 years you've been coming to me, Frank. How come you finally sprung for a shave?
Frank: Times are good, Sal. Times are good.
Ray: [enters] Hey, Dad.
Frank: Hey, Ray. Sal, this is my son Ray.
Sal: A son? 15 years you never told me you had a son!
Frank: I got two. This one's a sports writer, a great sports writer.
Ray: Aw, come on, Dad.
Frank: Oh, don't be modest. He's one of the best. You ever hear of Ray Barone?
Sal: Ray Barone? You're Ray Barone's father?! 15 years you never told me your last name!
Frank: I didn't want to bother you.

Ray: Hey, Stan and Garvin came by and they wanted me to give you this.
Frank: Ah, thank you.
Ray: What, did you win at poker or something?
Frank: Something like that. Hey, Ray, how about a shave?
Ray: No, I don't think so.
Frank: Hey, I know this is not the kind of highfalutin salon you usually go to.
Ray: The Hair Barn?
Frank: Come on, we'll talk.
Ray: Oh, you want to talk? All right, great. Yeah, let's talk.
Frank: Yeah, my treat.
Ray: Your treat? In that case, give me a perm!
Frank: A shave for my boy, Sal.

Sal: See? See, this is nice father and son getting a shave together. My son won't even talk to me. I don't know, maybe it's that metal bolt he's got stuck through his tongue.
Frank: That's too bad. A father should be able to talk to his son. Right, son?
Ray: Right. Right, Dad. We've been having some good conversations lately, haven't we?
Frank: We sure have.
Ray: Yeah. They've been enriching. Have they been enriching for you, Dad? Oh my God! That's hot!
Dominic: Hot towel.
Sal: What, you got that sensitive skin?
Ray: Yeah, it's sensitive to fire.