Robert: I could've been a pretty good hockey player. You know, I'm big, had the toughness, good hand-eye coordination.
Ray: Yeah, but eventually, you would've had to let go of the side.

Debra: You know what? You're probably not getting too much work done here, are you?
Ray: Actually I'm getting all the games, and I like watching them without pants.
Debra: I know, but, like, I see all these distractions, you know? Your mother, and the kids, your father, your brother. Your mother. What I'm saying is, if you want to go back to the office, I will understand.
Ray: You're the one who told me-
Debra: I know, Ray. I was wrong, okay? Go back to the office! I can't take it! I can't live this way!
Ray: What are you talking about?
Debra: Just get out!
Ray: All right, calm down!
Debra: I can't! Look at the coffee pot! Again, Ray! And the schmutz is all dripping out, and... Look at them! God! Don't you miss your friends?
Ray: All right, I'll go back. I thought I was doing this for you.
Debra: Thanks, no. You've done enough for me. Really.

Debra: Ray, what's going on? I thought you were gonna be working.
Ray: I am working. See? Pencil.
Debra: Ray, can I talk to you?
Ray: I'm working.
Debra: In the kitchen, please?
Robert: I'll call you if there are any fights.
Ray: I may be calling you.

Debra: [on the phone] But, Ray, you promised. Come on, I made lemon chicken and everything.
Marie: He's not coming home for dinner? It might be the lemon chicken.
Debra: Yeah, she's here. Yeah, so's your dad. Pretty much everyone but you, again.
Frank: [enters] I smell lemon chicken.
Marie: It's no good.

Debra: So what did the article say?
Marie: Well, according to some new research a lot of people stay at work longer than they have to. They're happier at the office. It's easier. Yeah, there's friends and chitchat. And whereas at home, there are kids, and mess, and...
Frank: Nagging.
Debra: Well, I don't think that Ray would...
Marie: Oh, now I've upset you. Forget everything I just said. You know what? It's probably just the lemon chicken.

Ray: I know this looks bad but writing doesn't only happen when you're writing. A big part of writing is actually the thinking. Sometimes you're just thinking, and you've got to just say: Stop thinking about it, so you can just really "think about it." That's what we were doing here with the paper football thing, just letting the thoughts jell up. I know. Look, it sounds crazy, but that is the writing process. So now you know.
Debra: Yes, I do.

Debra: I am an idiot.
Ray: You're not. Come on.
Debra: I've been staying up late to reheat food for you.
Ray: I know, and I love it. Come on. ls that lemon chicken? I love it.
Debra: Your mom was right.
Ray: No, that's crazy talk.

Debra: She read this article in The New York Times about people like you who'd rather be at work than at home.
Ray: I wouldn't rather be at work. Believe me, I wish I wasn't here right now.
Debra: Why not? I mean, this is a lot more fun than cleaning up and raising kids and paying the bills. Boy, I wish I had someplace to hide out.
Ray: I'm not hiding out. I'm earning a living. Which was your idea, I believe.

Debra: Look, the guy's here with your stuff.
Ray: Yeah.
Guy: Ray Barone?
Ray: Yeah.
Guy: Guy from tech support. Your satellite dish is in the truck I got your fax machine and your modem. Where do you want it?
Ray: The office. I want it back at the office. I want to be back at my office.
Guy: Where do you want it?
Ray: Hook it up downstairs.
Guy: Where?
Ray: Right through that door there. Careful. Don't fall and break it. Unless you want $30. You heard me.

Ray: "It was the best of games, it was the worst of games. Dear readers, as you must have realized by now, I am a fraud."