Warren Whelan Quotes   Page 2 of 2

Quote from Fighting In-Laws

Debra: Okay, Mom, Dad. Please, just calm down!
Lois: Why did you tell Debra about this?!
Warren: I didn't tell Debra!
Lois: Then how did she know?!
Debra: Ray heard you! He was hiding in the garage!
Ray: I wasn't hiding. All right, I checked the oil, okay. And it's a good thing I did, because we were a quart low.
Lois: Well, wonderful! Now everybody knows! I hope you're happy, Warren!
Robert: Sweet bastard, I'm getting happy! [chuckles]


Quote from Separation

Warren: Debra. Your mom said you were up here.
Debra: Hi, Dad. [cries] I can't find a kerchief. [Warren hugs her] What are you doing here?
Warren: Well, the invitation said "Round 'em up birthday party." It promised a "rootin' tootin' time".

Quote from Older Women

Warren: Emma is warm and funny and charming. I simply adore her company, and, uh... Can I tell you something about dating an older woman?
Ray: That's okay. It's okay.
Warren: She appreciates me. When I'm with her, I'm the young buck. I feel more hip and energetic now than any time in my marriage.
Robert: Interesting.

Quote from The Wedding: Part 1

Warren: Hello there, son-in-law.
Ray: Hello there, you.
Warren: You know, on the way down here I was busy reading my favorite sports columnist. Boy, that Mike Lupica can really write. [laughs] Congratulations, Ray.

Quote from Fighting In-Laws

Lois: I'm getting something to drink.
Warren: Well, you have to do the homework.
Lois: I was doing the homework, Commandant!
Warren: No, you weren't doing it right. The binder says to list our partner's positive qualities with examples. Now, have you done any of the Fine!
Lois: Warren is very very good at being controlling!
Warren: "Controlling" has two L's. Let me see what else you wrote.
Lois: Get away from me!
Warren: Lois, show me what you wrote. I don't want to look ridiculous this week.
Lois: That's right! All you care about is how you look. Well, I don't even want to go to this thing. Why can't we go to Baden-Baden like we told everybody? This thing is going to be a waste of time.

Quote from Fighting In-Laws

Lois: Oh, that sounds like a good idea, Debra. Everything looks delicious.
Debra: Good. Mom, you sit here. Dad, sit-
Warren: No.
Debra: What?
Warren: I don't want to do this anymore.
Lois: Warren.
Warren: No, I don't have anything to hide. I'm tired of these pretensions. I'm tired of this charade. As it happens, we're not going to Baden-Baden this week. We're going to Piscataway.
Frank: Hey, that's funny sounding.
Warren: Lois and I are going for a week of marriage counseling.

Quote from Debra's Parents

Warren: So, R-R-Raymond how's everything in el mundo de los deportes?
Ray: What?
Warren: Hola. The world of the sports.
Ray: Ha. Good. It's good, good. Okay, I'm gonna go help the el wife-o el... [mumbles]

Quote from Debra's Parents

Debra: I- I- I just wish things were different between the two of you. But I do want you to be happy.
Warren: How about this little girl of ours, huh? I sure know what I'm thankful for this year.
Debra: Yeah, yeah. How about you go put some clothes on?
Warren: Okay.
Ray: And buy a Scrabble board.

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