Lois: Oh, there you are, Ray. I made a mai tai for you.
Ray: Oh, thank you. Hey, the place looks great. You really knocked yourself out.
Lois: Oh, it'll be worth it when I see Debra's face. Is someone looking out for Amy and Debra?
Ray: Sure. Yeah. Robert, look out for Amy and Debra, all right?
Robert: Why do I have to be the lookout?
Ray: Because anybody else would have to climb a tree.

Lois: Oh, good! Frank, Robert, I thought it would be great fun if you two would be my dancing dragon. Put this on and see and when Debra comes in, you can dip and sway around the room in her honor. [exits]
Frank: That lady is a fruit bat.

Ray: Come on, just do this. You can be the head and, Robert, you be the tail.
Robert: Oh, I'm sorry, Raymond. I'm the lookout. You'll have to find someone else to be your dragon's ass.
Ray: Just do this, all right? It'll mean a lot to Debra.
Robert: No, it won't. And what are you doing with this whole Chinese thing, anyway?
Frank: Yeah, this is bull. I want a fork.
Robert: Yeah, I've got to tell you, I know Debra pretty well. I don't think she's gonna go for your whole lame theme.
Ray: Yeah, well? You don't know what you're talking about.
Robert: Oh yeah, I do. Confucius say, "Woman with stupid husband gets stupid party." [chuckles]
Frank: 'Cause you're stupid!
Robert: "He who marry Raymond need look elsewhere for good time."
Frank: 'Cause you're stupid!

Lois: I'm so glad we're alone. I want to talk to you about Debra's birthday.
Ray: Oh God! Is it today?!
Lois: No. It's a week from Saturday.
Ray: Oh, okay. Don't do that.

Lois: I was thinking of something else. Like a real English tea party.
Ray: Ha ha! Oh. Oh, for real.
Lois: Uh. You know, when Debra was single, we would meet in the city and have tea at The Rosemont. Oh, she loved that.
Ray: You know what? Maybe you two should go do that, right? Tea for two.
Lois: No, Raymond, no. Listen, don't worry. You won't have to do a thing.
Ray: No, hey, I'm all into helping. It's just right now, it's... It's really a bad time with the world and everything.
Lois: Raymond, I promise I will handle it. See, we'll get Amy to take her out while I set up everything here. Hmm?
Ray: Yeah.
Lois: Ooh! It's such fun conspiring with you. We're like two secret agents.
Ray: Hmm, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's fun. It's fun. You're gonna do all the work, though, right?

Debra: Hey, listen, Ray, for my birthday, I was thinking we could go out to Montauk, have brunch, and then ride bikes out to this old lighthouse.
Ray: On your birthday?
Debra: Yeah. Look how great this is.
Ray: Yeah. I don't know. I don't know, I was planning on... On doing something a little more... Something else.
Debra: Come on. This would be great. It'd be great to ride bikes and see a lighthouse.
Ray: Debra, honestly, it's too dangerous, you know. What, you're gonna have a big meal and then, and then ride a bike? That's, uh, that's a little dicey, you know? I mean, you're gonna swerve, and the food in your stomach is gonna start sloshing from side to side, and then down you go. I don't want you getting hurt, okay? So that's it. It's settled.
Debra: Something's going on. Are you planning something for my birthday?
Ray: No! What? Absolutely not, okay? And I resent this whole line of questioning.
Debra: You are planning something! Oh, Ray! Oh! You are so cute! You wanted to surprise me.
Ray: No!
Debra: Are you throwing me a surprise party?
Ray: No! I'm- No, what are you- I just- I don't want your stomach sloshing from side to side.

Ray: For your information, this theme was Debra's idea, all right?
Robert: What?
Marie: What do you mean, it was Debra's idea? Debra told you to throw her a surprise party?
Ray: No, no, no, no, no.
Marie: Oh, my. I must say, Debra is unbelievable.
Frank: Come on, spill it, or I'll stick a toe in your cake.
Ray: All right, listen. She knows about it, okay, but it wasn't her idea. The Chinese thing was. She loves Chinese.
Robert: [loudly] Debra knows about the surprise, everybody!
Ray: Shush! Shush! Her mother's in the other room.

Frank: Good. I don't have to yell "surprise" like an idiot.
Ray: Yes, you do.
Marie: Why?
Bernie: You made everyone come a half-hour early and park two blocks away?
Frank: Yeah, what the hell?
Ray: You live across the street.
Frank: Well, I'm not yelling surprise.
Ray: You're yelling surprise, fungus foot!

Debra: You told them that I knew?
Ray: Well, Robert wouldn't be the dragon!
Debra: Why didn't you stop me?
Ray: 'Cause you were very good.
Marie: I felt that the last part was a little forced.

Debra: So everybody knows that I knew about the party?
Lois: You knew about the party?
Ray: Now everybody knows.
Amy: You knew?
Ray: Yes! Everybody knows that she knew, and now she knows that you all know. Thanks for everything.