Hank: Well, here it is, Mother: Amy and Robert's wedding invitation.
Pat: Oh, all right. I guess we should look at it. It is a nice envelope.
Hank: "Attire optional"?
Pat: Hank! They're nudists!

Debra: What else, Ray? You don't do anything in the kitchen! You don't buy groceries! You... Diapers! Three kids, and you only changed, like, 10 diapers in your whole life. "I can't do it. The diapers keep falling off."
Ray: It's not my fault the kids have no hips.
Debra: Fold this.
Ray: I can't.
Debra: Fold it, you fake husband! Fold it!
Ray: Stop! No! No! Stop it!
Debra: I have had it, Ray. The jig is up.
Ray: What jig? Come on. Me not being able to do that stuff, that's not fake. There's no jig! I don't have a jig!

Debra: What else have you faked?!
Ray: Nothing, Debra! Come on!
Debra: The bed!
Ray: Now, wait a minute. That's one place I always give 110%!
Debra: I mean making the bed! In 10 years, you haven't made the bed because, "I'm no good at tucking." Admit it, you faked it, you faker!

Robert: When Amy asked when and where I wanted to get married, I said I wouldn't mind a winter wedding because of all my, you know, sweating. And maybe not a fancy-schmancy reception because of my discomfort around busboys.
Frank: And what happened?
Robert: Spring wedding, fancy-schmancy, eight busboys.
Ray: I'm tellin' you, man, she wants to do this. Screw up the invitation, show it to her, and let her do all the work.
Don't you love her?

Robert: Listen. Listen. That isn't why I made those mistakes.
Marie: Then why did you?
Robert: Because...
Marie: Robert.
Robert: Okay. [takes deep breath] Okay. We just thought...
Amy: "We"? Who's "we"?
Debra: Yeah!
Marie: Yeah!
Robert: Me and some of the other guys that were around that day.
Debra & Marie: Oh.
Robert: See, we just thought that by me doing the invitation, it was taking something precious away from you. So by me doing a bad job at it, it was meant as a gift to you. And the lady who sent it out... will suffer!

Amy: So you did this on purpose? You faked incompetence just to get out of it?
Robert: No. I did it for you, as a gift, because you've been dreaming about this since you were 12 years old. And- And I think Raymond could explain it better.
Debra: I look forward to that.
Amy: I've got to get the new invitations out right away!
Marie: All right, let me help you, honey. Let's go.
Debra: Amy, I'm so sorry. Let me know if there's anything I can do for you.
Amy: Thanks. Just kill Ray for me.
Debra: Oh, honey. I will.

Marie: What are you doing, Raymond?
Debra: Believe it or not, Marie, he's actually doing some work around here.
Marie: Is this his punishment for ruining Amy's invitations and trying to get out of work his whole life? Because it's not enough! [pulls Ray's ear]
Ray: Ow! Why don't you twist his ear?
Robert: Believe me, I'm already in enough trouble with Amy. One more mistake, and she's gonna take my arm off like a puma.

Marie: You boys oughta be ashamed of yourselves. It's bad enough that Frank and Raymond have treated us so poorly over the years, but I will not stand still and allow another one of my sons to be seduced by the lifestyle of the bum.
Robert: Could I say something?
Marie: No!
Debra: Marie's right. You guys just want us to shut up and serve you so you can watch TV all day long. Isn't that right, Ray?
Ray: I think you're generalizing.
Debra: You don't come home and just turn on the TV?
Marie: It's the exact same thing with him. He comes home from the lodge, the TV goes on, and I can't get two words out of him.
Frank: I'll give you two words.

Amy: Hi, Robert.
Robert: Hi. I was just doing all the dresses like we talked about, and anything else you want.
Amy: Listen, I don't want to be mad anymore. I don't.
Robert: Really?
Amy: I was upset about those invitations, but they're just pieces of paper. They're not what really matters. [they hug]
Robert: Oh, I bet we laugh about this one day with our kids.
Amy: Well, maybe the grandkids.

Robert: Isn't she amazing? We could all learn a big lesson from her. This is how you treat your significant other.
Frank: [scoffs] Ha.
Robert: What?
Frank: I hate to burst your bubble, but she's just faking forgiveness so she can hold it over you for the rest of your life. Fake!
Amy: I'm not faking.
Marie: The truth is, dear, you're allowed to be mad at him. In fact, keeping that anger bottled up could be bad for your health.
Frank: That's why this one'll live to be a 100.