‘The Ingrate’
Season 8, Episode 17 - Aired March 1, 2004
After Ray gets an honorary doctorate from his university, he makes a glaring omission is his speech.
Quote from Ray
Ray: "And it's a fair question to ask me, because I am, after all, mostly qualified to do something like deliver futons. So, how did I get here? You see, there was this futon-delivery guy, and he met a beautiful woman." Oh, now you're listening. "And even though she was way out of his league, for some unknown reason, she smiled at him. Eventually, and even more amazingly, she married him. And it turns out that when one of your dreams comes true, you begin to take the others a little more seriously. So, even though I'm as amazed as anybody that I have any success at all, I'm pretty sure it all started with my wife Debra's smile." I wrote that.
Debra: That is the sweetest thing.
Ray: Not too sappy?
Debra: It's way too sappy.
Quote from Frank
Frank: And I like it when they dump the Gatorade on the coach's head. That's funny.
Quote from Frank
Frank: Hey, all you did was teach him piano. If it was up to you, Ray'd have a job playing "Love Story" next to a perfume counter.
Quote from Marie
Marie: It was the best speech I have ever heard.
Frank: Ah, you just liked it because you got a big special mention.
Marie: Did l? I didn't notice.
Quote from Robert
Debra: Hey! There they are! How was the carnival?
Geoffrey: Uncle Robert threw up!
Michael: On a ride!
Debra: Oh, Robert.
Frank: He was on one of those spinning rides. He nailed 11 people!
Robert: I had to buy a guy a shirt.
Quote from Ray
Ray: Guess what? That was my college on the phone. They want to give me a degree.
Debra: I thought you had a degree.
Frank: Yeah, what the hell were we paying for?
Ray: It's another one. They call it an "honorary doctorate."
Debra: Oh!
Robert: I might throw up again.
Marie: Oh my God! Raymond, you're a doctor!
Ray: Doctorate, Ma. They call it a "doctorate of letters."
Quote from Debra
Ray: You're just like Robert and my father. You don't think I deserve this.
Debra: No, of course, I think you deserve this.
Ray: Even though I'm an idiot.
Debra: Yes. No! No, I don't believe that. You're very smart. You deserve this. You're going to do great.
Ray: What do you mean "do great"?
Debra: When you give your speech. I mean, you knew you had to give a speech, right? Ray, when they give you an honorary diploma, you give a speech.
Ray: In front of people?
Debra: Well, it's not a speech otherwise. It's just a crazy man.
Quote from Debra
Debra: Honey, listen. They want you because you're good at what you do. They want the students to see someone who loves his work and is a success. You don't have to sound like a professor. What they want is Ray Barone. You give them that, and I promise they will love you.
Ray: Yeah?
Debra: Positive. Ooh, I'm feeling feverish, Doctor.
Ray: Oh, yes. Yes, you are. I think you might have caught something from the rest of the cheerleading squad.
Debra: Yes.
Ray: Step into my office.
Quote from Frank
Marie: Oh, wasn't that wonderful?
Ray: It was pretty good, right? Yeah.
Frank: All the money on that damn college, they can't put a cushion on a folding chair? My mole is killing me!
Quote from Robert
Marie: Robbie, are you sure you got a picture of Raymond shaking the dean's hand?
Robert: I'm sure, Ma.
Marie: And pictures of me kissing Raymond?
Robert: We have enough to make wallpaper.