Marie: You were tricking us?
Frank: What? You're mad at me now? How come you're fine with them?
Marie: Because they're nice boys, and you're a gloating nincompoop! [to Debra] Let me show you the cake I made. It's chocolate, but it's different than the usual...
Frank: Robert, this cult... How many wives can you have?

Frank: I still don't get why you ever wanted to join a stupid cult.
Robert: All right, Dad.
Ray: You know what that was? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Agh!
Robert: Nice to be back.
Frank: Yeah, this is what it's all about, flagpole. Laughs. The ballgame. Free will. Doin' what you want when you want it. You don't get that in any stinkin' cult!
Debra: All right, TV off. It's lunch.
Men: Okay.
Frank: What are we havin'?
Marie: Chicken.
Frank: We wanted roast beef.
Marie: We're havin' chicken.
Men: Okay.

Ray: Mmm. Man, I love a pickle. Juicy. Mmm. You know what's great about a pickle? It's like a food and a drink.
Mmm.

Robert: This is a beautiful day, isn't it? It's crisp. You know, I really never knew what people meant when they said it was a crisp day, but today I get it.
Ray: Where'd you get that shirt, "Big, Tall and Samoan"? [Robert hugs Ray] What are you doing? Go away! What are doing?
Robert: I hugged you. Surprised? That's exactly why I hugged you. Oh, there's a new Robert in town.
Ray: Well, he still has that old Robert smell.

Debra: So, what's going on, Robert?
Robert: Ah, I'm just happy. I got a new outlook on life. Hey, have you ever heard about "Innerpath"?
Debra: No. What's that?
Robert: I'm glad you asked. It's a group with a great philosophy about life and how to live it. I've been to a couple of meetings already. Gerard got me into it.
Debra: Gerard? Isn't he, like, uh, an idiot?
Robert: I used to think so but that was my baggage. I was making him carry.
Debra: Oh. So is this like a self-help group or something?
Robert: Oh, no no no. It's much more. You see, Innerpath teaches us that we all have the same emotional doors. And the trick is recognizing which doors to bolt shut and which ones to throw open.
[Ray gets up and goes and opens his kitchen door]

Judy: Hey, partner, remember me?
Robert: Yes, Judy. I worked with you on the force, but I've given up that life to become a full-time "pathist." I've almost got the green shirt.
Judy: This is bad. All right, Ray, I want you to say somethin' to Robert.
Ray: No, look, I can't talk. I'm not a talk person.
Judy: Ray, I want you to speak to your brother today like he matters!
Ray: He does matter to me, Judy! I just I can't stand seein' him like this!
Judy: Don't tell me!
Ray: [to Robert] Okay, look, I know I don't say this enough, but you are my brother and I love you. Okay, but h-here's the thing you should know that by now, right? I don't have to tell ya. I mean, yeah, yeah, we get mad at each other, but we never let it get too far, you know, 'cause... 'cause we're family. And we don't walk away. This this is walkin' away. And I don't want you to do it, because you're like a part of me.

Robert: I'm leaving.
Ray: No, no, you can't leave now. We're almost there.
Robert: No, we're not, okay? Just forget it, Ray. I'm going back to Innerpath. This is a negative place. And it's not just him. He's just the poster boy. And it's her and her, too.
Ray: Wait! Wait! What about me? What about what I just said?
Robert: Nice try, but you're not that good an actor.
Ray: Hey! What are you gonna do now? You're just gonna go back to your stupid cult?
Robert: It's not a cult, okay? I'm sorry, everybody, but I've confirmed something here today that the path to inner peace and harmony clearly cannot be found in this family. Goodbye.

Debra: Robert, sit down. Listen, have these people asked you for money?
Robert: No, no, no. I gave them some because I wanted to.
Ray: Come on. What are you doing? It's like a scam or something.
Robert: Happiness is not a scam, Raymond. Hey, I'll tell you what. Why don't you come to a meeting with me? You could learn a thing or two.
Ray: Yeah, all right. What are you, nuts? No.
Robert: Uh, they said I would encounter naysaying negativity. But you know what Innerpath taught me? Like a camera, I use negatives to develop.
Ray: Yep. Why don't you add a grass skirt to that outfit and dance around a volcano?
Robert: All right. All right. I'll see ya later.
Debra: Where are you goin', Robert?
Robert: I'm gonna go across the street. I wanna share "The Path" with Mom and Dad.

Mariann: Now, I'm looking around the room, and I see a new face. A happy face. A face I'd like to know.
Robert: This is my brother, Raymond.
Mariann: Welcome to The Path, Raymond.
All: Raymond! Raymond! Raymond!
Ray: Hey.
Robert: Raymond, why don't you tell everybody a little bit about yourself?
Ray: You said that I wouldn't have to talk.
Robert: Raymond has a wife and three children, and he is also the writer for "Newsday."
Mariann: We all know who he is, Robert. [laughs]
Robert: You do?
Mariann: Gerard did mention that he was Ray's cousin. And gosh, Ray, we are just so super honored to have you with us. A famous newspaper columnist!
All: [chant] Raymond! Raymond! Raymond!
Ray: That really gets you going, huh?

Mariann: Our leader likes to bring notables into the fold so that we can better explain our mission to the world. And you, Ray Barone, are a notable.
Ray: Huh. Tell that to my wife.
Mariann: [delayed laugh]
Robert: Uh, e-e-excuse me. So, you used me to get to Ray?
Gerard: No, no, no, no. Not used, more like... [lost for words]
Mariann: It's nice to have you with us, too, Robert. Robert! Robert. [few others join in] Robert. Robert.