Robert: [enters] Hey, Raymond. Thought I'd better warn you. Dad's on his way over with his favorite portrait.
Ray: Oh, no. Mom?
Frank: [enters] Hey, everybody. So you don't think your old man's a painter?
Ray: Dad.
Frank: Look at this. The greatest bullfighter of all time. El Cordobes. I found him on the back of a king of spades.
Debra: That's really good, Frank.
Robert: Yeah.
Frank: Oh, yeah. And here's one of your mother. [all scream]

Debra: You know, every night, for five years... Ugh. Little Engine that Could, Goodnight Moon, Cat in the Hat. I am sick of them.
Ray: They're not for you. All right? What do you want to read the kids? Jackie Collins?

Debra: So what do you think about this book idea?
Ray: Yeah, it's a great idea. If you need any help, you let me know.
Debra: That's what I was thinking.
Ray: What?
Debra: You could help me. We could write it together.
Ray: Oh, wait a minute.
Debra: No, come on. You just said, if you need any help...
Ray: You didn't let me finish. By help, I meant that when you're done I would read it and tell you it's very good.

Debra: Come on. I want to do this with you. Wouldn't this be so much fun to spend time together like this?
Ray: No! Writing is what I do for a living. I don't want to spend my free time writing.
Debra: But you love writing.
Ray: No! It's torture. It's excruciating.
Debra: Yeah, but I already have an idea. I just need you to help me flesh it out, you know? Because you are such a good writer, Ray. I respect your talent so much.
Ray: Don't even start with that, unless you're willing to back it up with sex.

Robert: You know, Debra, I got a great story for you. It's about a tall crime fighter.
Ray: Does he live with his parents?
Robert: Could.

Marie: No, no, no. I have another story for you, dear. We're on a long car ride -and before we leave, I warn Robert-
Robert: Ma!

Robert: Raymond, if you're gonna use the baseball story, at least put in I was the one who scored the winning run.
Frank: Nobody wanted to tag you.

Debra: What are you doing?
Ray: Getting ready. Getting ready. I play a little Galactic Defender first.
Debra: What about the story?
Ray: In a minute. In a minute. I just got to save the planet Krimulac.
Debra: Are you almost ready? Because I have all these ideas.
Ray: One second. One second, sweetie. I got you, you ugly green bastard.

Debra: Okay, I was thinking...
Ray: Hold it. Hold it.
Debra: What is that?
Ray: I like to squeeze this 12 times.
Debra: Why?
Ray: You've got to respect the process. Gets the juices going.
Debra: Yeah, you got enough juice there?
Ray: Yeah.

Debra: Where are you going?
Ray: The bathroom.
Debra: But we just got started.
Ray: I know, but when a good idea hits, I have to go to the bathroom.