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The Can Opener

‘The Can Opener’

Season 4, Episode 2 -  Aired September 27, 1999

Ray and Debra unload about an argument they had over a can opener.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Hey, Deb, I finished the Pepto. [sees everyone] Did- Is this about me?
Marie: No, dear, it's nothing. All I did was bring Debra my old can opener.
Robert: Oh, Ray, just use the new one. Stop being a jerk.
Ray: Jerk? What do you know about it?
Debra: He doesn't know anything.
Robert: No, you stick to your guns, Deb, okay? Raymond's a jerk. I know the whole story, jerk. One little drop of fish juice and you squeal like a stuck pig.
Ray: You told him that, huh? I did not do that! And by the way, the whole can dumped on me.
Debra: Oh, it was one drop, you baby.
Ray: One drop? It was like I stuck my arm up a tuna.
Robert: Jerk baby!


Quote from Ray

Ray: What'd you tell him?!
Debra: I told him the truth. That you come home all "What's for dinner? Oh, a can? How make tuna out?" [wails with a finger held out]
Ray: Yeah, that's me, huh? Well, this is you. This is you! Me-me-me-me-me- me-me-me-me-me- me-me-me-me-me- me-me-me-me-me-me!
Frank: Wait a minute. That sounds like Marie.
Debra: Yeah, that's really great, Ray. Coming home and giving me crap about a can opener.
Ray: I didn't give you crap and it's a stupid can opener!
Debra: It's not stupid! It gets rid of sharp edges!
Ray: And the tuna!

Quote from Frank

Frank: That's it? "Sorry"? That's all you got? At least when we fight, stuff comes out.
Marie: Some of it will be coming out when we get home. Let's go.
Frank: Coming.
Marie: So that's my job, Frank?
Frank: Yeah. I didn't say you were bad at it.
Marie: Thank you. I'm still mad at you.
Frank: Well, that's all right. At least it's not about a can opener. [both laugh]
Marie: A can opener.
Frank: Good luck, Ray! [makes crazy gestures]
Debra: I can still see you, Frank.

Quote from Ray

Ray: You know, what's great about after an argument? It's the way we make up.
Debra: Can I ask you something, Ray? You don't think it's my job just to cook and clean for you, do you?
Ray: You don't understand. We already had the argument. This is the making up part.
Debra: No, no. It's just what your father said to your mother, that's what was bothering me about that whole can opener thing. I just feel with everything I have to do around here, sometimes you kind of take me for granted.
Ray: I don't. I appreciate everything that you do. I do. I just hope that you don't take me for granted.
Debra: What do you mean?
Ray: Eh, it's nothing.
Debra: No, really, I want to know.
Ray: Well, it's just like sometimes I feel when I come to bed that I'm just somebody who's here to lay next to you. You know? And that's all.
Debra: Yeah, all right. All right, Ray.
Ray: No, 'cause I need to feel like I'm more than that.
Debra: You should stop talking.
Ray: Okay. I mean, it's just nice to be acknowledged.
Debra: Yeah, yeah. Let's get this over with.

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