Hank: Well, why doesn't everyone have a seat?
Frank: Just point us to the room with the TV.
Hank: Oh, we don't own a TV.
Frank: I don't understand.

Ally: "The Pilgrims invited Squanto's tribe to a big feast. Everyone was happy when the Indian chief arrived."
[Frank steps forward]
Hank: "We're so happy."
Ally: "They exchanged gifts, and the Indian chief embraced the Pilgrim governor." Grandpa, embrace him.
Frank: Look, Ally, sweetie, this was cute and everything, but now it stinks.
Hank: It doesn't stink! This play is a MacDougall family tradition!
Marie: Yes, and we've seen other kinds of traditions your family enjoys.
Amy: Marie, please stop already.
Robert: No no. That's okay. It's important to get everything out in the open. So, tell me, Amy, what else did you
feed that snake, huh? Stray dogs? Hitchhikers?
Amy: Oh, my God.
Robert: Your family scares the hell out of me!

Marie: Poor thing. He must've gotten confused or something.
Ray: Hey. Hey, remember Tweety?
Robert: Yeah.
Ray: When we were kids, we had a cockatiel named Tweety.
Robert: I trained him so when I opened his cage, he'd fly right up onto my shoulder. He thought I was a tree.

Marie: I happen to agree with my husband. You can't just put on a smile and pretend that people are wonderful.
Frank: Yeah, nobody really-
Marie: I'm talking now, Frank. I have always felt that if I'm going to be a loving human being, I also had to be courageous enough to be honest with people. Being fake helps no one. [Pat looks at Hank] What- W- What is that look?
Pat: It's just- Well, I was thinking about when you said you made two pies in case people didn't fill up on dinner. I don't think you were happy to be spending Thanksgiving with us, but you covered your true feelings with a veiled insult about my cooking. Isn't that fake?
Marie: You killed a bird!

Ally: "The first Thanksgiving. The Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock in the winter of 1620 Iooking for freedom
and a new life, but things were not easy for them."
Hank: "The winter is so very hard. Many of our people are dying from cold and hunger."
Amy: "But we can't find any food."
Pat: "We don't even know how to catch fish. Whatever will we do?"
Frank: She should try strangling a couple of birds.
Hank: Did anyone hear some savages talking?

Pat: You can warm yourselves up with some hot cider.
Frank: Is it spiked?
Pat: There's cinnamon.
Frank: So I drove here for hot juice.

Pat: Would you like an appetizer, Marie? They're homemade.
Marie: Oh, that's all right.
Pat: Oh, but I'd love for you to try one. Everyone says you're the best cook there is.
Marie: [smiles] Well, I wouldn't say that. I'd love to try one. [eats] Mmm! I have to say, Pat, that's marvelous.
Pat: Oh, thank you.
Hank: She's been worried about what you were gonna think of her dinner.
Marie: [chuckles] Oh... who cares what I think?

Debra: Sorry we're so late.
Pat: That's all right. Dinner's almost ready.
Marie: I brought pies for after.
Pat: Oh, thank you, Marie.
Marie: I made two, in case people don't fill up on dinner.
Pat: How thoughtful.

Robert: Okay. All right. Let's all take a deep breath and try to remember that the bird is in a better place. Birdie heaven, where the seed is free, and every bird gets a worm - not just the early ones.
Ray: She should take you into the kitchen.

Peter: Good day, fair Barones... on this festival of thanks and givingness. [silence]