Ray: Okay here we go.
Debra: How could you do that to her?
Ray: What? I didn't do anything.
Debra: You were about to. Ray, I know you're upset with your father but how can you think about outing Santa?
Ray: Well, would you rather she heard it on the streets?
Debra: Oh, please.

Marie: I'm sorry to have to do this, Debra, but Frank is absolutely insisting he get his ratty old sweater back. Which is probably the best thing that ever happened to the needy.

Ray: You always said to me that you were glad that he broke up with you because otherwise you would have never met me.
Debra: Yeah, so?
Ray: So if he had never broken up with you would you have been gladder?
Debra: You're really crazy, you know that?
Ray: No, no, no. How do I know I'm the one that you wanted to end up with?
Debra: Here's a hint, Ray, our three kids.
Ray: Yeah, our three blond kids.
Debra: Oh, I think that's the baseball talking.
Ray: How can I be sure of anything?
Debra: So what are you saying, you don't believe in anything anymore?
Ray: That's right, unless I see it with my own eyes.

Robert: [enters in a Santa costume] Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas. ls Ally here? I understand there are doubts about me in this house.
Ray: There are now. Come on, Robert.
Robert: No, you have me mistaken for some other party, for I am the jolly old Saint Nick. Mom told me what you did. Nice.
Debra: Hey, Ally, look it's Santa Claus.
Ally: Santa?
Robert: Yes, it is really I. And I came to see you Ally because I heard you were a very good girl this year and you're gonna get everything you want. Unlike some other people. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
Ray: Hold the ho's, okay? I wanna talk to you for a minute.
Robert: I'm sorry, I'm with a client. And you may call me Mr. Claus. Ho, ho, ho, ho.

Robert: Ho, ho, ho. Now we know the truth.
Ally: [pulls down Robert's beard] It's Uncle Robert.
Robert: No, no, little one I've only assumed the body of a life form that you would accept.
Ray: Robert, you're Santa, not a Klingon.

Ally: And that's Grandpa.
Ray: That's very good, Ally, this is Grandpa. Guys you couldn't fool her, okay? Come on.
Frank: Pulling the beard off Santa, the nerve of this guy.
Ray: You wanna do some good, go work the corner with a bucket.
Robert: Just for that, no toys.

Frank: Hey, Ray.
Ray: Dad, do me a favor. Don't come over and make up stories to Ally okay?
Frank: Come on, I'm her grandfather. That's what I do. I tell stories. It's in the manual.