Ray: The game started already?
Gianni: No, they're waiting for you.

Gianni: How about "fat legs"?
Ray: What?
Gianni: You couldn't call her "fat legs." Yeah, I could, as long as I cutesy it up.
Bernie: No way.
Gianni: Yeah, no way.
Ray: Hey, I think we drank the last of the chocolate milk, fat legs.
Debra: [o.s.] Okay, I'll pick up some more tomorrow.
Bernie: Wow! It's unbelievable! Let's try another one.
Gianni: Yeah, let's see how far you can push it.

Debra: Ray, you gotta get back up there!
Ray: No, you go up there!
Debra: You're the one that wants to prove he's mature. Why can't you have this discussion with your daughter?
Ray: Because I studied for the sex one! I wasn't ready for this! I don't just have a switch that can make me smart.
Debra: No kidding. I mean, come on, you couldn't come up with anything? Just tell her we're put on Earth to... You know, because...
Ray: Well, looky here! Yeah! Little Miss Smarty-Pants! Maybe it is "fall-ah-pian."

Marie: Ally's too young to be worrying about this.
Debra: No, I'm proud of her. I love it that she's such an independent thinker.
Ray: If she's so independent, why can't she figure this out herself?
Debra: Ray, listen, just get up there and tell her that God put us on Earth to help each other. It's simple, it's direct, it's a good way for her to live her life.
Ray: What are you talking about? That doesn't answer anything. What, are you telling me that God said, "Hmm, Earth, let's see. What should I put there? Hmm?"
Robert: That's your God?
Ray: Yeah.
Robert: No way! It's got to be deeper. And cool. "Hello, I'm God."
Marie: Keep going, Raymond. I think you're a wonderful God.
Ray: Thank you. So what did God say? "I'm going to put some humans on Earth so they can help each other. Or, I could just skip humans altogether and go hit a bucket of balls."

Ray: Oh. Ah, it's his machine. [on the phone] Hey, Father Hubley. Hi, it's Raymond Barone.
Robert: Ask him about space. What's at the end? What's out there?
Ray: Will you stop it?
Robert: What's out there?!
Ray: [on the phone] Anyway, Me and the family, we're sitting around, and we had a quick question for you. What is the meaning of life? So if you could get back to us as soon as possible, we'd appreciate it, all right? We're kind of waiting. Okay. Thank you. Goodbye. God bless you. And us. And the meek.

Marie: Oh, here we go. Here it is. Here it is. "Where there are no oxen, the crib remains empty, but large crops come through the strength of the bull."
Ray: That's got nothing to do with this.
Marie: No?
Ray: No!

Ray: I'm just saying we should be focusing on what to tell Ally.
Debra: Oh, "we." Yeah, "we," because "we" solve all the problems around this house, right? Let's face it, Ray when you say "we," you mean me, the "smelly tramp."
Marie: What?!
Debra: Smelly tramp. That's the nickname your son came up with for me.
Ray: I didn't say that and you know it. It's "smelly tramp"!
Marie: Oh, well, that's cute.

Debra: It's really something, seeing the kids like that, huh?
Ray: Yep. I think we learned a lot from them today, baloney bosoms.
Debra: Ray.
Ray: What? There's something to be said for childlike innocence.
Debra: Yeah, okay, okay.
Ray: But I can see that you need some help. Now, more than ever, you need a visit from Dopey.
Debra: Oh, God. No, come on. No, don't, Ray.
Ray: I've been doing the reading. I know what to do now.