Frank: Listen, you know that "Nobody wins, everybody has fun" crap? That ends today. I'm keeping score.
Ray: Dad, no, it's not about the score.
Frank: Then why the hell bother?
Ray: Because it's family fun! Stop. Put it away, all right? I got enough trouble.
Frank: What are you so worried about? That little weenie with the clipboard? We had guys like that in Korea.
Second lieutenants. College guys. Platoons hated their guts. You know what happened to them? You know what friendly fire is? Well, sometimes it wasn't so friendly.
Ray: They killed their own guys?
Frank: Not always. Sometimes they'd just send them back to college. To the ones without a lot of steps.
Ray: So your advice to me is I should shoot Bryan Trenberth over a box of pretzels at a kids' T-ball game?
Frank: Oh, right. The kids.

Robert: Dad, are we going? Mom wants to know how long you're going to leave us in the car.
Frank: Look, tell your brother, have you ever seen me back down from anybody?
Robert: No, sir. "Pennies are money."
Ray: Dad wants me to murder Bryan Trenberth.
Robert: No, don't. Bryan's a great guy. Very organized. He's getting me some sunglasses.
Ray: Yeah. I know. He's a good guy. Debra's all, "We're not bringing a snack. We brought a snack." Yeah, well, I'm bringing a snack, and a good one.
Frank: Wait, wait, wait a minute. The clipboard weenie guy tells you to bring a snack. Your wife tells you not to bring a snack. And you're bringing a snack. [mimics throwing a grenade] Fire in the hold!
Ray: Yeah, I saw that. No chance of one of you diving on that, is there?

Frank: Psst. You want to know what the score is?
Ray: Dad.
Frank: 57-to-48.
Ray: Stop it. Who's winning?
Frank: They are. And you can thank Weenie's kid. He's got 6 errors.
Ray: Yeah. Okay, Dad.
Frank: It's like having Venus de Milo in right field.
Ray: He's five.
Frank: Man, if we could just trade him.

Debra: Look at him trying not to look at us.
Ray: Will you just take it easy? He's allowed to look, okay? Try being nice.
Debra: Yeah. Just come on down here. Just say one word to me.
Ray: Take it easy.
Debra: Why don't you blow him a kiss?

Bryan: Oh, this looks very good.
Ray: Yeah. It's good. It's good. It's all very good. So go set it up. Set it up over there. You take all the credit. Go ahead.
Ray: Oh, no, looks like you went to a lot of trouble here.
Bryan: Look at. Tangerines, breadsticks, string cheese, Granola Bars.
Ray: Don't count it, man. It's all there.
Bryan: This is everything on the list.
Ray: Yeah, so take it. Take it away. It's everything. Good. Everybody's happy now.

Bryan: That's what I'm trying to say, Ray. I just want to thank you and Debra.
Ray: It's okay. It's all right. Thanks.
Debra: Thank us for what?
Ray: Debra, come on, just drop it.
Bryan: Bryan Trenberth does not let a good deed go unnoticed.
Ray: Please do!

Ray: I got to tell you, that was scary today, you know? I never go off on people like that. I mean, my father lets go all the time. You know, he gets it out. I'm sicker than him. I'm like a time bomb. Don't you worry that at any moment I could go off like that on you sometime?
Debra: [scoffs] Yeah.
Ray: What?
Debra: No, I mean it.
Ray: What? Don't. I'm dangerous. I throw fruit.
Debra: I still like you.
Ray: Yeah, 'cause you're scared of me.

Man: Whose turn was it to bring snack?
Ray: Oh, I got it today.
Marie: [enters with a catering trolley] Here, everybody. Oh, now, the lasagna is hot. Be careful. So we'll start with the antipasto. And if everything is finished, we have cannoli. Here you go, honey.
Man: Oh, Ray, this is the best snack I've ever seen. You're unbelievable.
Ray: Well, you know, it's all about the kids.

Ray: Good catch!
Robert: Say, you got a Gold Glover out there, Raymond.
Ray: She's like a boy, yeah?
Debra: Yeah, only smarter.