Debra: How you doing, Andy? You look like you're losing weight.
Andy: Nah! I just gave up tucking in my shirt.
Ray: You here to tell everybody your big news? Andy got a new job booking guests on a national radio show.
Debra: Oh, congratulations, Andy. [kisses Andy]
Andy: Wow, this proves it. The ladies like guys with jobs.

Robert: I've heard Jerry Musso. Never cared for him.
Ray: Nobody asked you. It's a good opportunity for Andy, and I told him that I would do the show. You know, throw him a bone.
Andy: Actually, Ray, that's what I came over to tell you. I'm afraid I have to return your bone.
Ray: What do you mean?
Andy: I'm not gonna be able to book you on the show.
Ray: Why not?
Andy: Jerry Musso doesn't like you.
Ray: Doesn't like me?
Robert: What station is he going to be on?

Ray: Hates me? Jerry Musso hates me?
Debra: I'm sure he didn't mean "hates."
Ray: It's in writing! Andy, come on, just tell me the truth. Does Jerry Musso hate me?
Andy: I don't know. I wasn't the one who talked to him.
Ray: Well, ask him.
Andy: Oh, no. Look, I just got this job. Why would I wanna associate myself with the man my boss hates?

Ray: I don't even know the guy. I never even met him.
Andy: Did you write something bad about him?
Ray: No. I've never written about him at all.
Andy: Maybe that's why he hates you.
Debra: Come on, why would he care if he was in Ray's column?
Ray: What?
Debra: No. It's just that, it's not like it's, you know, the front page. I mean, people read your column for you know, fun. It's just a funny little... It's funny.
Ray: You hate my writing.
Debra: No! No. I'm supporting you. Your writing is... wow.
Ray: Yeah, okay, thank you. That's enough support.

Ray: Why the hell would this guy hate me?
Andy: I don't know. Did you sleep with his wife or something?
Debra: [giggles]
Ray: What?
Debra: "Slept with his wife"...
Ray: Oh, what, now I'm not attractive enough to sleep with his wife?
Debra: You're very attractive.
Ray: Just not to anyone else.
Debra: Did you sleep with his wife?
Ray: If I did, she would like it.
Debra: I know, honey. You could sleep with all the wives in the world if you wanted to. You're super hot.

Marie: You're not hungry? What's the matter? You don't look so good.
Ray: No, I'm fine, Ma.
Marie: No, you look terrible. You better eat something.
Frank: Let's go. I've got two minutes till the commercial's over.
Marie: Frank, doesn't Raymond look all worn out and tired?
Frank: What do you expect? He's been talking to you. Let's go. Lasagna time. Chop-chop.

Marie: Talk to me, Raymond. What's wrong?
Ray: Nothing. It's nothing. It's just... Have you ever known anybody that, I don't know, didn't like me?
Marie: Absolutely not. You're a sweet boy. People adore you.
Ray: Well, not Jerry Musso.
Marie: Who?
Frank: Jerry Musso, the radio guy?
Ray: Yeah.
Frank: He's pretty good.
Ray: He hates me.
Marie: [gasps] What's his number? I'm gonna call him.
Ray: No! Mom, it's okay.
Marie: If I could just talk to him for a few minutes, he would fall in love with you.
Frank: And hate her.

Robert: People hate you, Raymond. They hate you. They're out there, man.
Ray: Maybe you hate me.
Robert: You know what? If I did, it wouldn't bother you as much as some guy you don't even know hating you.
Ray: You've always hated me. You just never had the guts to say it.
Robert: Oh no? Are we doing garlic bread, or what?
Marie: Robbie doesn't hate you. Eat something.
Robert: Maybe I do hate you.
Marie: Robbie!
Ray: Maybe I hate you, too!
Marie: Raymond!

Robert: Well, you know what? I don't care, you little crybaby wussball.
Ray: Oh, why don't you go eat at your new seafood restaurant?
Robert: Why don't you?!
Ray: Why don't you?!
Marie: Stop it, boys!
Robert: You fathead!
Marie: Come on, I won't have this!
Robert: You make me sick!
Ray: Oh, you're an apeman!
Robert: Oh, yeah? [Robert pushes Marie aside, knocking the plate of lasagne onto her chest] Am I? You wanna know something? You wanna know who the genius is? Jerry Musso. Because he was the first to say it before me. Hate hate!
Ray: Oh, fine. And I hate you, too! I hate you! [both storm out]
Frank: I gotta tell you, Marie, I'm getting a little excited.

Debra: You're so immature. You could make the first move.
Ray: Listen to you, the person who wouldn't talk to my mother for three months.
Debra: That was completely different.
Ray: How?
Debra: Shut up.