Reverend Stevens: We are gathered here today in the sight of God to join together in marriage Robert Charles Barone and Amy Louise MacDougall. If there is anyone here who knows any reason why these two people should not be joined in holy matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace. [Ray and Robert look at Peter] We will begin this morning-
Marie: Excuse me. I need to say something.

Frank: Hey, can I have a beer?
Waiter: Sure. That's $3, sir.
Frank: Jeezaloo! Hey look, tell you what. I think I left my wallet home when I changed into the monkey suit. Could you let one slide?
Waiter: I'm sorry, sir. I'm not allowed.
Frank: Oh, come on. Listen, pal, I don't care what the rules are at this stinkin' hump of a wedding. I am the father of the gigantic groom and I want beer now. Beer now, beer now!

Ray: Peter! [Peter lifts his feet off the ground in the bathroom stall] Come on, Peter, I know you're in there.
Peter: [o.s.] I'm very busy.
Robert: What's goin' on?
Ray: He was supposed to pick up the reverend guy, and nobody can find him.
Robert: Peter, come out there right now!
Ray: Let's go!
Robert: I can see you! [Peter emerges from the stall]
Ray: What did you do to him? [a man enters the bathroom]
Robert: Ah, Reverend Stevens.
Reverend Stevens: Somebody was supposed to pick me up. I had to hitchhike. Let's get this over with. [exits]
Peter: Well, gee, who did I pick up, then?

Debra: Here they are! Aren't they beau- Ray! I left you up here an hour ago. I showered, did my hair, got the kids up, got them dressed... Kids, go downstairs. Mommy's yelling and you can't even do yourself?!
Ray: What? I'm ready.
Debra: Everyone is waiting for you. Oh, look at this. Look, this goes on after the pants, Einstein. Here, here. Do you realize that it is a- It's a three-hour drive to Pennsylvania. Amy is waiting for me. Robert is a nervous wreck. I mean, come on...
Ray: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! You might be a little too angry to do the zipper.
Debra: What have you been doing?
Ray: I got the speech, the frickin' toast thing I gotta do.
Debra: Would you stop obsessing about the toast? Just say something funny and heartfelt. Nobody cares.

Frank: You got some nerve complaining I haven't given enough. Need I remind you of 40 years of room and enormous amounts of board?
Robert: Dad. Dad, I'm sorry, okay? I'm just a little, you know... I want it to go well today, so I apologize. I appreciate everything, and you're a sensational father.
Frank: Well, you know, I apologize too. I guess everyone's kind of on edge today, but you'll be okay. You're used to this type of thing bein' a cop, seein' murders and whatnot.
Robert: Thanks. I feel better.
Frank: Good. Let's hope you picked a winner this time.

Debra: You look so handsome! I am just gonna dance with you all day.
Ray: Yeah? Somebody's been poppin' the champagne already?
Debra: No! No, it's just come on! It's a wedding. Get into it. You know, the romance, the love that's all around us. Can't you suck it up for one day?
Ray: I'm into it. I'm sucking.
Debra: You're dancin' with me today, jerkwad.
Ray: You haven't called me that since our wedding.

Pat: And you look so beautiful today, and... [sobs]
Amy: What? What?
Pat: I'm sorry. I guess I pictured my little girl's wedding a certain way. I used to worry about telling you what to expect, you know, on your wedding night? But you and Robert have already...
Amy: Mother, please!
Pat: I'm sorry. You're right, sweetie. I know it's a different world. All fun, all the time. But look at you. You're like an angel dropped from heaven, and you've always been that for me and your father.
Amy: Thanks, Mom.
Pat: I better go. That phone book for Aunt Florence is a good idea.

Ray: What do you do now?
Reverend Stevens: I don't know. This never happened before. Well, I guess, speak now.
Marie: Well, I wanted to speak to Robbie before the ceremony, but he didn't give me a chance when we were in the bathroom together.
Amy: [to Debra] Did she do this to you?
Debra: Honey, this is only the beginning.

Ray: Hey, hey, hey, hold it! Back it up, calm it down, and look at all the people... at the wedding.
Frank: This phony holy man and his liquor gouging have ruined an otherwise happy occasion. So long, cheapskate.
Ray: He gets emotional at weddings.

Ray: All right, out, Mom.
Marie: No, but-
Ray: You already got Gianni lookin' for a fire hydrant. Look, look, look, you want to help? See if you can find the reverend guy, okay? He'll be the one with the big book.