Debra: Wait, he apologized to you for you reading his journal?
Marie: No, no, that would be stupid. I apologized because I wrote "I e-hat my Mom" in there.
Debra: Who cares what you wrote? That was 25 years ago.
Ray: Yeah. Yeah, but, you know...
Debra: I mean, do you know how sick that sounds?
Marie: Debra.
Ray: You don't understand.
Debra: No, no, you know what? The problem is I do understand. I mean, when is this gonna stop? How could you make him apologize for something that you did wrong?
Marie: Excuse me?
Debra: How could you make your son apologize for private thoughts he had 25 years ago? I mean, don't you see how wrong that is?
Ray: P-shut u.

Debra: Okay, say something to me in your code.
Ray: Y-oka.
Debra: What?
Ray: I'm answering you in the code. Y-oka.
Debra: Okay, one more.
Ray: Y-oka, my e-wif.
Debra: "My wife"? "Okay, my wife." So you just took the last letter of the word and put it in front.
Ray: Maybe.

Marie: Would you like some pancakes?
Ray: Sure, why not? You have any n-baco?
Marie: Any what, dear?
Ray: Some n-baco to go with my s-pancake.
Marie: Why are you talking gibberish?
Ray: Is it gibberish?
Marie: Well, I certainly don't understand it.
Ray: Really? 'Cause I think that you do. N-baco.
Marie: What are you doing?
Ray: What do you think I'm doing? N-baco.
Marie: Is that Spanish for something?
Ray: So you admit that it's another language.
Marie: Well, it sounds like "bacon."

Marie: His journal, Frank. We used to sit up at night and read it after Johnny Carson. I confessed for nothing.
Ray: You read it to him?
Marie: Eh, he couldn't figure out the code.
Frank: Oh, yeah! Your little girlie book. [laughs] There was some funny stuff in there.
Ray: All right.
Frank: Like sleeping with the belt around your head to make your nose smaller.

Marie: No no, look, that's all right, dear. That was 25 years ago. But there is one thing I would like. Could you cross that out, dear, please?
Ray: Okay.
Marie: And what would you like to write there?
Ray: "I e-lov - my Mom."
Marie: Oh, that's so nice. And could you date it there? Okay, and initial it there. And here.

Ray: Well, where'd you keep the real one?
Robert: Safety deposit box at First National.
Ray: What? How'd you get a safety deposit box? You were a kid.
Robert: I was tall.
Ray: Well, What did you put in that one?
Robert: [chuckles] Well, certainly nothing I'd have to write with my pants down.
Ray: Yeah, if your pants were down, the only thing you could write is, "Hey, where's everybody going?"
Robert: What?
Ray: I don't know! [exits]
Robert: Freak.

Ray: Well, so what, Ma? That doesn't mean anything.
Marie: Then why did you write it? Was it something I did?
Ray: I don't know. It was probably nothing that you did.
Marie: Oh, so it's what I thought. You just generally hated me.
Ray: What are you talking about? I was a kid. Every kid probably wrote that.
Marie: Robby didn't. You want to know what he wrote on the same day?
Ray: Oh, no. No. No, Ma.
Marie: "Terrific chicken tonight."
Ray: That's a fake book, Ma!
Marie: What?
Ray: No, that's a decoy. The real one's in a safe deposit box at First National!
Marie: You know how crazy you sound?

Marie: We're not talking about your brother. I need to know why you wrote that.
Ray: I don't know, Ma!
Marie: Do you know when this feeling began?
Ray: No.
Marie: Do you know when this feeling ended?
Ray: No.
Marie: I see.
Ray: Oh, come on, Ma. What? I don't hate you. I never hated you. I don't know why I wrote that. I'm sorry. Okay, I'm sorry. That was a terrible thing to write. I was wrong to ever write that. You know, I didn't really wanna be a tap dancer, either. Okay, are we okay now?
Marie: [hugs Ray] Yes.

Ray: Hey, what are you doing?
Debra: Just a little light reading.
Ray: What? Could people not read my journal? Gimme it.
Debra: No, come on, some of this is cute. Listen. "Today I kissed Shelly for the first time."
Ray: Shelly was a turtle.

Geoffrey: Chug-a-chug-a-choo-choo! Chug-a-chug-a-choo-choo! Chug-a-chug-a-choo-choo! Chug-a-chug-a-choo-choo!
Marie: Ally! Ally, stop dragging Geoffrey! We don't play like that.
Ray: Relax, Ma. That's how Debra took me down the aisle.
Marie: Raymond, aren't you concerned? Girls shouldn't be dragging boys around like that.
Debra: They were just playing, Marie. It's okay.
Marie: That's right. We're feminists.