Ray: I don't want to go to counseling!
Debra: What?
Ray: I know that after what Bernie and Linda said-
Debra: You think I want us to go to counseling?
Ray: Wh- You don't?
Debra: Do you think we should go because of Bernie and Linda?
Ray: Well, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. I just thought 'cause they had their little thing tonight, and after, they were all huggy and kissy. But that's only because they're different from us. Their fight was about the computer. Our was about the TV. And the TV has been around for years. So that's very different.
Debra: We're going to counseling.
Ray: No!

Debra: I already got Pamela's number from Linda.
Ray: I don't want to go to counseling!
Debra: Ray, we fight all the time.
Ray: No, not fights tiffs, little tiffs. Sweetie pie, baby... skinny girl! Come on. No, no counseling.
Debra: What would be so terrible about it?
Ray: Everything. What do you think's gonna happen, we're gonna go, and the next day we're gonna grow wings and fly around giving each other foot massages?

Debra: It's just getting a little help.
Ray: We don't need help.
Debra: Why don't we let Pamela decide that?
Ray: Oh, yeah, and then there's that. Hmm... Pamela! Wonder whose side she's gonna be on.
Debra: Okay, so we can go to a man.
Ray: Oh, yeah. Yeah, right. [flirty] "Oh, you understand me so much better than my husband."
Debra: And you don't need therapy.

Ray: Look, all these therapist people want to do is get you to cry.
Debra: Don't you want to find the deeper reasons why we fight? Don't you want to have a healthier marriage?
Ray: Not if I have to cry.
Debra: It's not about that! It's about trying to be happy.
Ray: But we are happy! Look at us. I love you.
Debra: Get off of me. Get off of me. Listen, I am making an appointment for counseling, and you are coming with me, because we are gonna do whatever it takes to heal this marriage. [exits]
Ray: Stupid marriage.

Ray: Wait a minute. How much we gonna give him?
Debra: Like $1,000.
Ray: $1,000?
Debra: It has to be enough to help him, Ray.
Ray: Help him, but $1,000? What about that thing, teach a man to fish so he doesn't take your $1,000?

Robert: All right, I'll see you guys later.
Ray: Hold it, Robert. You don't see anything wrong with taking my money and going to Vegas?
Robert: You mean the money I never asked for that you gave me as a gift?
Ray: Come on! You came in our house with a big crying act, and then you ate all my cookies.
Debra: Can I just say something?
Ray: No. The last thing you said cost me $1,000.

Robert: Hey, you know what? Why don't you come with me?
Ray: Where? Vegas?
Robert: Come on, the Barone Brothers on the Strip.
Ray: No, I can't go there. I'll go one day, probably 10 years from now to drag Ally out of a casino chapel.

Debra: So, what do you think?
Ray: Oh, it's incredible.
Debra: Uh-huh.
Ray: What do you got comin' out of the tap now, holy water?

Debra: The driver's such a jerk. He sees me running at him, waving this, yelling... he still takes off.
Ray: I think he was scared.

Ray: By the way, I know why he didn't go to school.
Debra: Why?
Ray: Some of the kids were teasing him 'cause he called one of the teachers "Mommy."
Debra: He called one of the teachers "Mommy"?
Ally: Why? Was the teacher yelling?