Everybody Loves Raymond - Robert Quote #669
Amy: Maybe we should all go.
Robert: [shushes] Where were we?
Ray: Oh, just shut up, okay? You're not perfect!
Robert: Never said I was, but I'll tell you what I do say: I am more than happy to wait for my wife. And I'm sure that Amy will attest to the fact that I have waited for her plenty of times with nary a peep.
Amy: When have I ever made you wait?
Robert: Well, no, no. You know, we always get to wherever we're going on time. But when it's time for us to leave, you always like to talk to everybody one last time... because you're so sweet and sociable. So it takes you a little longer to go. But- But it's cute, honey, what you do. A- A- And when anyone asks me why am I just standing at the door doing nothing, I tell them, "I'm waiting for my wife. She's on her goodbye tour." And everybody laughs.
Amy: The Goodbye Tour? You have a name for it?
Robert: A funny name. [faint chuckle]
Quote from Ray
Bernie: Where's Debra?
Ray: Debra? Oh, uh, I left without her.
Andy: What do you mean?
Ray: She wasn't ready on time, so I left.
Bernie: So is she coming?
Ray: Perhaps. She's a licensed driver, she's got access to a car. Everything she needs to get here when she's good and ready. [to a passerby] Hey, how you doing?
Andy: I don't know anything about women, but isn't this gonna make er mad?
Ray: It shouldn't. We had a deal, the time was set, she didn't make it. Goodbye. Bacon-wrapped shrimp!
Quote from Debra
Ray: Let me tell you something: My father had a system. AlS. When we were kids and we were going on a car trip, he would set a time. "We're leaving 9:00! AlS!"
Ray: "Ass in seat." If anyone's ass was not in their seat at the designated time, that ass was left behind.
Debra: So, in the fall, did you have to set your ass back an hour?
Quote from Ray
Ray: Every single time we go out, you make me wait.
Debra: What? That's not true.
Ray: That's every single time. You know how I hate being late. It makes me very anxious. I get all ugh-eh inside.
Debra: Well, Ray, if I'm late, maybe it's because the government requires that one of us tends to the children.
Ray: Oh, don't give me that. The children are nowhere near you when you're up here... [mimes putting on make-up]
Debra: You are one ugly woman.
Ray: Blaming the children. You were doing this to me before we were married. You'd make me wait in your apartment while you were getting ready and I had to sit there and look at your... books.
Debra: You know, you used to think I was worth waiting for.
Ray: You were worth waiting for. But after 15 years, you should be here by now.
Quote from The Angry Family
Robert: [clears throat] Uh, if I may... You mentioned, Father Hubley, that I was not included in that book, and that is a very astute observation. And I do believe that my unique position in this... family, as that of an outsider, allows me to view this hodgepodge of life from a rather unique vantage point.
Ray: Top of a beanstalk?
Robert: And I do maintain that if anyone is to blame, Father, for this river of pent-up hostility that runs through this sorry bunch like you-know-what through a we-know-what... that person goes by the name... of Raymond.
Ray: Oh, sit down, you dope.
Robert: He is and always has been the center... the center of attention, the center of affection, he always gets the center chair in the kitchen. And this anger of which you speak, from the rest of these poor souls, stems from his unwillingness to share even the tiniest portion of the spotlight that shines, without end... on him.
Quote from Lucky Suit
Agent Garfield: Is this a joke?
Robert: Excuse me?
Agent Garfield: "Dear FBI Agent Garfield. I'm writing to ask for your understanding. You have an interview this morning with my son, Robert Barone. I think you will find Robert to be an exceptional candidate for the job. He is hard-working, brave, and handsome." [Garfield looks up in disbelief] "But I feel I have hurt his chances somewhat. You see, he has a lucky suit. And while I was ironing this morning, I ruined it. He was very upset, so he might be a little distracted. Please don't hold this against him. If anything, blame me. I don't mind, I'm used to it. Of course, it's also my other son Raymond Barone's fault. He's a famous sportswriter. Perhaps you've heard of him. But mostly, I'm to blame. I only wanted Robert to look his best. Thank you for understanding. Sincerely, Marie Barone." [Robert is stunned into silence] "P.S."
Robert: Oh, God.
Agent Garfield: "Please ask Robert to forgive me. I tried, but it'll mean more coming from you." Please forgive your mother.
Quote from Lucky Suit
Robert: Now I gotta go through my interview in an unlucky suit.
Marie: Just because you're not wearing your lucky suit doesn't mean that whatever you do wear will be unlucky.
Robert: Look at my life. All my other clothes are unlucky.