Ray: We don't even have to do this, 'cause like you said before, Ma loves me more!
Robert: Well, you know what? She can love you all she wants, because I love her more than you do.
Ray: What?
Robert: You heard me. I love Ma more.
Ray: Are you insane?
Robert: Deep down inside, Raymond, you know it's true.
Ray: Are you saying that I don't love my mother?
Robert: Not as much as me. You take her for granted. But me? I cherish every ounce of affection that woman gives me because I have to fight for it like a dirty dog in the street. But you? You don't even have to try. She makes it so easy for you. You're just a fat kid sittin' with his mouth open at the end of a chocolate assembly line. You disgust me. I'm gettin' Ma.

Ray: She can't stay in my house. There's not enough room!
Robert: Oh, come on, you've got plenty of room downstairs in your office there. Just put in a nice rug, and put up a big picture of you and her together. Oh, she'll be very happy.
Ray: Okay, so, since you're too stubborn to move into that house, like we all know is your destiny, you're gonna force your own mother to live in a basement, huh? A dark, disgusting basement with the rats and the cockroaches.
Robert: Raymond, Raymond, Raymond. Don't fight it. Who do you think she'd rather be with? We all know that you're the favorite. And that, my friend is your destiny.
Ray: You are out of your mind! She loves us both equally.
Robert: [laughs] Oh, yeah, right!
Ray: Okay!
Robert: All right. All right. I'll tell you what: Why don't we do this: we'll put her in the middle of the room, call her name and see who she comes to.

Marie: Oh, I'm glad you boys are here. My laundry room shelves were delivered, so you can put them up tomorrow morning.
Robert: Oh, yeah, you know, sorry, Ma, but Ray and I are going golfing, but we'll do it for you on Sunday.
Marie: No, no, no. That won't do, because Lee and Stan are coming for lunch tomorrow afternoon.
Ray: I- I- It's kinda all set, Ma.
Marie: So the list of things more important than me just keeps getting longer. [Ray & Robert groan] All right, how 'bout doing the shelves now? Do you have any time for your mother now?
Robert: Well, actually, we're supposed to leave for the golf course tonight.
Marie: Oh. I understand. Okay, go golfing. Have a good time.
[Marie slowly limps out of the living room]