Frank Quote #753
Frank: Hey, Marie, let's go. I need a damn sandwich before I get cranky.
Ray: Dad, look at all this stuff. It's just sittin' here.
Frank: What, Mount Crapmore?
Ray: This stuff, it's not crap, Dad. Mom, you should put this microwave in the kitchen. It's great. Debra has the same model.
Marie: Well, I'm sold.
Ray: Dad, you want a pot roast? You can have it in 15 minutes with this.
Marie: I can get it in 10 with this. [points to Marie]
Ray: Okay, how about this, automatic garage-door opener? You don't gotta break your back liftin' the door. [Frank points to Marie again]
More Everybody Loves Raymond Quotes
Quote from Mother's Day
Frank: Let me ask you something, pal. What have you had, a tough week? Well, I've been living with your mother since... before you were born!
Ray: Debra wouldn't let the twins tell a "knock, knock" joke!
Frank: She's right! "Knock, knock" jokes stink!
Ray: That's not the point! Mom came over with her friends to show how cute the twins are telling a "knock, knock" joke, and Debra couldn't even give her that little of joy!
Frank: Well, who the hell is Marie to come barging in, demanding joy, when Debra's wrestling with the damn kids?
Ray: She didn't have to be so rude!
Frank: Rude is the only thing that gets through to her! How do you think I got the way I am? I used to be a gentleman!
Quote from Talk to Your Daughter
Debra: Will you please stop? It turns out Ally doesn't want to know how we get here, she wants to know why we're here, why God put us on Earth. And she's waiting for Ray to answer her.
Frank: What's wrong with you? It's simple.
Ray: Oh, okay. Yeah. We're gonna learn the meaning of life from a guy who once threw his shoe at a swan.
Frank: That's called protecting your sandwich. Listen to me. Here's what life is: you're born, you go to school, you go to work, you die. That's it. That's all. Cannoli, Marie!
Quote from Frank Goes Downstairs
Marie: So that's how you both fell? A race around the house, which you often do as a tradition?
Ray: Uh, yeah.
Frank: Stupid, humped-up termite trap!
[Frank falls through the stairs]
Marie: Oh, my God! Frank, are you all right?
Frank: [o.s.] Holy crap!
Marie: Don't move, I'm coming right down!
Frank: [o.s.] I'm in enough pain!
Quote from Marie
Ray: Look, see. Listen. When you get the plastic off, all you do is insert the disc, you close the tray, put the selector on CD, and press "play."
Marie: We're not astronauts, Raymond.
Ray: Fine. I'll write it down for you, Ma.
Quote from Frank
Frank: This is where I used to listen to 'em. I'd come home from a hard day's work, your mother would mix me a drink, I'd come down here, put on the hi-fi, and let Duke and Dizzy take me away... from your mother.
Ray: I almost got it, Dad.
Frank: Then one day, I came down, and where my records used to be, you had set up your stupid race-car track thing. My records were over there, pushed up against the furnace. They didn't stand a chance.
Quote from Frank
Frank: [chuckles] What goes around comes around, huh, Ray?
Ray: What do you mean?
Frank: Just like when you ruined my jazz records.
Ray: Oh, all right. Dad, look, we all know the story, okay, so not again.
Frank: Why not? It's a short story. Once upon a time, I had great jazz records. You were born, now I don't.
Ray: All right! You know, you've been on me for this for over 30 years.
Frank: I believe it was the winter of '69.
Ray: Will you stop it?
Frank: I had just come home from a hard day's work...