Robert Quote #593
Debra: Thank you, Marie, but the boys can do it themselves.
Marie: Boys should play. I hardly ever used to make Raymond tidy up.
Debra: I know, Marie, and thank you for that.
Robert: For Raymond, it was, "Don't worry, go play." What I got was, "Robbie, dust the ceiling!"
Quote from Marie
Marie: You spent their childhood being a dreadful goon, and all it did was make them want to sneak out of the house.
Frank: Maybe they wanted to get away from you. That's why I sneak out of the house.
Marie: Don't you dare try to turn this around. You insisted on being the disciplinarian. You're the one who said to me, "Oh, don't hug them so much. You'll make them soft." Well, obviously, I should have never stopped hugging them! [hugs Ray & Robert] Oh! I am so sorry I let this crazy man loose on you.
Frank: Stop hugging them!
Marie: No, Frank. That's what parenting is... love. You just love 'em. No matter how many bad decisions they make, no matter how many times they don't listen to you, you just keep loving and hope that maybe someday that love will make them realize how much they hurt you.
Robert: And you wonder why I drank the schnapps.
Quote from Ray
Ray: Guys, it's okay. You can wake up now. Sit up, guys. I want to talk to you. Michael, come over here. Come on. Listen, guys I said something before that was pretty harsh. But, uh, I said it, and I'm sticking by it. Okay, you understand that? I'm not backing down. So if you think Daddy's a party clown, "Look at the bubbles coming out of his heinie" you can just forget about it. But I might have a deal for you guys. You want your TV back, and holidays, and staying up until it's dark out? [they nod] Okay, well, I can make all that happen if you just promise me one thing. Okay? Just promise me you'll obey everything Mommy and Daddy tell you from now until you're 60... 65... 65! Okay? That seems fair. Deal?
Ray: All right, come here. Now, listen, guys, I don't want you to think that I'm an idiot and I really believe that we've got a deal here. Your mother and I have been talking, and we know that you're gonna get older and you're gonna do things, and we know there's nothing we can do about it. But, guys, if you do, make sure we never find out about it. We don't want to know.
Quote from Frank
Marie: Debra, when it comes to discipline, it's only natural for one of the parents to be the bad guy.
Frank: I was the best bad guy ever to walk the streets of Lynbrook. These two knew not to mess with me. When they were up to their usual monkeyshines, all I had to do was give 'em "the step."
Debra: What's that?
[Frank stands up, shakes himself off and then turns towards Ray and Robert to take a step forward]
Robert: Take it easy.
Ray: Just relax.
Frank: End of monkeyshines!
Marie: He was good.
Quote from The Angry Family
Robert: [clears throat] Uh, if I may... You mentioned, Father Hubley, that I was not included in that book, and that is a very astute observation. And I do believe that my unique position in this... family, as that of an outsider, allows me to view this hodgepodge of life from a rather unique vantage point.
Ray: Top of a beanstalk?
Robert: And I do maintain that if anyone is to blame, Father, for this river of pent-up hostility that runs through this sorry bunch like you-know-what through a we-know-what... that person goes by the name... of Raymond.
Ray: Oh, sit down, you dope.
Robert: He is and always has been the center... the center of attention, the center of affection, he always gets the center chair in the kitchen. And this anger of which you speak, from the rest of these poor souls, stems from his unwillingness to share even the tiniest portion of the spotlight that shines, without end... on him.
Quote from Lucky Suit
Agent Garfield: Is this a joke?
Robert: Excuse me?
Agent Garfield: "Dear FBI Agent Garfield. I'm writing to ask for your understanding. You have an interview this morning with my son, Robert Barone. I think you will find Robert to be an exceptional candidate for the job. He is hard-working, brave, and handsome." [Garfield looks up in disbelief] "But I feel I have hurt his chances somewhat. You see, he has a lucky suit. And while I was ironing this morning, I ruined it. He was very upset, so he might be a little distracted. Please don't hold this against him. If anything, blame me. I don't mind, I'm used to it. Of course, it's also my other son Raymond Barone's fault. He's a famous sportswriter. Perhaps you've heard of him. But mostly, I'm to blame. I only wanted Robert to look his best. Thank you for understanding. Sincerely, Marie Barone." [Robert is stunned into silence] "P.S."
Robert: Oh, God.
Agent Garfield: "Please ask Robert to forgive me. I tried, but it'll mean more coming from you." Please forgive your mother.