Marie: What is a DVD player?
Ray: Come on, not now, Ma, please.
Marie: Is it for pornography?
Debra: Yes, Marie, I got Ray a porn machine.
Marie: I don't like that, Debra.

Frank: So what are you so upset about? Sounds like Mr. Muscle here is saving you some prep work.
Marie: I don't like that, Frank. And I have to say, Raymond, I think that Debra is playing a very dangerous game.
Frank: Oh, what are you talking about? Who cares where she gets her appetite as long as she has her meal at home?
Ray: Stop, stop!
Marie: Raymond. Raymond, you have to get Debra out of this class right now.
Frank: Why? This guy is helping out! Maybe Ray doesn't have what it takes to get Debra's motor running.
Marie: Raymond's got plenty!
Ray: Thank you! Mom! Huh! [exits]

Debra: Last week, I sent you for a simple garden hose. You came home with that tiny thing. It's totally useless.
Ray: What? That's a good hose.
Debra: It's two feet long. The water doesn't even reach the plants!
Ray: So you squirt it over there. Use your thumb, that's what people do.
Debra: Just so you know, that hose is goin' back.
Ray: Oh, that's it right there.
Debra: What?
Ray: That is how you get your way. "Just so you know." Yeah, yeah. "Just so you know, Ray, we're getting the flower drapes." "Just so you know, Ray, I ordered the boring couch without the footrests." "And, Ray, we're going to move in across the street from your parents, just so you know." Yeah, that's right. I remember saying, "No, no. In the name of all that is holy, no!" But look where we are. Nice work! Sorry I'm coming on a little strong, but the truth has set me free.

Debra: You gave up the right to make decisions when you stopped taking responsibility. You don't help me at all. You can't even wash a dish.
Ray: Maybe I'd wash a dish if I didn't have to look at those repulsive curtains.
Debra: Fine, fine. You be that way. But until you start helpin' out, I'm makin' all the decisions.
Ray: But-
Debra: Good night.
Ray: But you you can't do that. We're married. It's a two-way street.
Debra: No, it's not.
Ray: What do you mean, "No, it's not"? Marriage is a two-way street. You can't just make it a one-way street. Think of all the accidents you're causin'. "Not making any decisions..." I'll make all the decisions I want. Maybe I'm deciding to sleep down here tonight.
Debra: I already made that decision. Just so you know.

Ray: I'm not scared. What happened tonight caused me to have a revelation.
Debra: Which was what?
Ray: That I'm always the one who has to back down around here. I constantly have to shut my mouth to keep the peace.
Debra: Excuse me? [Ray makes the peace sign] This is unbelievable. You're going to act like a big baby because you didn't get your way tonight?
Ray: Try every night, okay? I'm talking about 12 years of marriage now! You have to get your way at everything, all the time.
Debra: That is not true!
Ray: Oh, it's not true? How about the dog that I've always wanted? And wait a minute! If you don't always get what you want, then I guess we have one. Hey, Floppy! Here, boy! Floppy? That's right, Floppy. You can't even let me name my imaginary dog.
Debra: So because we don't have a dog, you never get your way?