Marie: What is a DVD player?
Ray: Come on, not now, Ma, please.
Marie: Is it for pornography?
Debra: Yes, Marie, I got Ray a porn machine.
Marie: I don't like that, Debra.

Frank: So what are you so upset about? Sounds like Mr. Muscle here is saving you some prep work.
Marie: I don't like that, Frank. And I have to say, Raymond, I think that Debra is playing a very dangerous game.
Frank: Oh, what are you talking about? Who cares where she gets her appetite as long as she has her meal at home?
Ray: Stop, stop!
Marie: Raymond. Raymond, you have to get Debra out of this class right now.
Frank: Why? This guy is helping out! Maybe Ray doesn't have what it takes to get Debra's motor running.
Marie: Raymond's got plenty!
Ray: Thank you! Mom! Huh! [exits]

Ray: Hey, hey, hey. Remember when you broke up with Amy?
Robert: Yeah, she got mad at me and then it was over.
Ray: Over for you! Because you left. I'm just now getting my hearing back!
Robert: Really?
Ray: Yes, yes. And then you bring a 22-year-old around. I'm going to be a lonely, deaf sex-beggar.
Robert: So you're serious? There's two Debras?
Ray: Yep. And neither one of them can cook.

Ray: Look, it's making my life hell, all right?
Robert: Making your life hell? How?
Ray: You dating a younger girl affects other people. Especially older people like the one I'm married to.
Robert: Debra's not old.
Ray: She is when Erica's in the room.
Robert: Yeah, but Debra seemed to like Erica and-
Ray: Yeah, yeah. She did, didn't she? She was pleasant, enjoyable to be around... Let me tell you something, Robert. There's two Debras. That's right. There's the Debra you see that doesn't have a problem with it. Then, when everybody leaves, there's the Debra that I see... Darth Debra.

Debra: That girl was less than half our age.
Robert: All right, all right. Enough with the numbers already. You're killing me!
Ray: Did she really think I was older than you?
Robert: Didn't bat an eye. All right, look. Let's just order, all right? Let's get the pizza with sausage and onions.
Ray: Onions? What time is it? Oh, no. I can't do onions after 8:00.
Robert: No, it's okay. I got the Tums.
Debra: Oh, Tums are good. They have calcium.
Ray: Hey, you know what I hear is good? The Pepcid's good.
Robert: Yeah, that's good. They have the fruit flavor, the chewable. You know, they have nighttime Mylanta now.
Ray: A nighttime Mylanta?
Debra: Really? Is it chalky?
Robert: No, tropical. Beautiful.
Ray: Can you believe this? I have to pee again.