Ray Quote #1027
Ally: Your turn, Daddy.
Ray: Uh, um... I didn't have much contact with... I didn't know Pumpernickel very well. The only thing I remember is when we brought him back from the pet store, and Ally wanted me to hold him, so I reached out to grab him and he bit me on the finger. And it hurt. So Daddy said a bad word. But Ally picked up the Pumpernickel and she showed me showed me how to hold him. Like this. Right? [Ally nods] I never noticed until just now how grown-up you are. The way you were with your friend, and what you said just now, you really, really seem grown-up. I'm proud of you.
Frank: [emotional] Damn hamster!
Ally: Daddy? Can we get a rabbit tomorrow?
Ray: Yeah, guys, whatever you want.
Kids: Yeah! Cool! A rabbit! Whoo! Yahoo! Yeah!
Ray: Rabbit. That's a bigger hole.
Quote from Frank
Ally: Do some animals go to hell?
Marie: We don't use those words, Ally.
Frank: Bad animals go to hell, kid. Believe you me, I know. When I was your age, there was this mean old German shepherd named Elsa. I was walking to school one day and I must have crossed too close to her territory. In those days, the Germans were very sensitive about their territory. Well, that's all it took for Fraulein Elsa the Nazi she-wolf to jump out and take a hunk out of my all-American hide. I still have the scar. You want to see it? I'll show you.
Marie: No, Frank!
Ray: What are you doing? Sit down.
Frank: All right! The point is Fraulein Elsa's probably in hell right now dragging her Nazi butt across the devil's carpet.
Ray: Thank you for that heartwarming story.
Quote from Frank
Frank: For your information, there's a whole separate heaven for animals.
Marie: And just where did you learn that?
Frank: It's in the Bible.
Marie: Like you read the Bible.
Frank: I've read plenty of damn Bibles.
Ally: Do all animals go to heaven or just pets?
Marie: All animals go to people heaven with us, dear.
Frank: People heaven's for people. Your grandma's been hitting the sauce.
Quote from Robert
Robert: [clears throat] Death... the final goodbye. The ultimate toodle-oo. Or maybe death is not the end. Maybe it's a beginning. Perhaps, it's the ultimate howdy-do.
Ray: Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?
Robert: What's the matter, Ray, too deep for you?
Ray: Oh, God.
Debra: Go ahead, Robert.
Robert: You know, I have come to the conclusion that when I die, I would like to die like Pumpernickel. Quietly, painlessly, chocolate fudge pop stuck to the corner of my mouth. For that, my friends, must be a happy death. Aloha, which means goodbye and hello.
Ray: All right.
Robert: Same with shalom.
Ray: Shut up. One meaning.